faith: confidence or trust in a person or thing, or belief not based on proof.Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.16
The essence of my spiritually, and my sobriety, rests on a round-the-clock faith in a Higher Power. I need to remember and rely on the God of my understanding as I pursue all of my daily activities. How comforting for me is the concept that God works in and through people. As I pause in my day, do I recall specific concrete examples of God’s presence? Am I amazed and uplifted by the number of times this power is evident? I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my God’s presence in my life of recovery. Without this omnipotent force in my every activity, I would again fall into the depths of my disease – and death.
i think both definitions apply to my higher power. i have intense confidence and trust in my higher power and believe without seeing this god. yet, i find the second definition lacking. i have so many examples of 'proof' of my belief. faith is such a personal matter. i don't think it can be judged or defined simply; i'll try, anyway. for me, my faith is integral to my wellness and participation. when i practice my faith and show up within it, all is well. i can go days (though i soooo don't like to) where i don't interact with my higher power or seek to strengthen my relationship. lately, that hasn't been happening as much: i've made a very sincere effort the past six weeks to encourage my faith and my conscious contact with my higher power. it's been amazing.
i do pause throughout my day and see god's presence in my life. i am uplifted and amazed many times a day by this power and how often it is evident.
i think the best gift of recovery i've received is the relationship i have with a power great than myself. it took a lot of struggle to understand that this simple idea could be the point of recovery for me. i don't really struggle anymore. such a gift. i see that my struggles can be helpful to others, and i'm grateful for that. i'm grateful when struggle creeps in, i have a plan of action. i have steps i can take, people i can reach out to, and a higher power to go to for strength. i see also that i just so don't know the point of any of this life stuff. so, why am i trying to figure it out so fiercely? perhaps, i can just put my best faith into action and trust my higher power has the goods all figured out. i just need to show up. after all, 'participation is the key to harmony.'
we have loads of snow forecast for our little town this week, and it's really exciting. school starts for me tomorrow with my psych nursing orientation, then lecture begins for me thursday night. i'm super excited....i have a bit more prep work to do before i can say 'i'm ready' but am grateful i've already been studying and that fact makes me feel ready, too. even if my binders aren't all organized and all that silly stuff.
i work for about six hours today and then get to do dance class tonight. my desire for fitness has been put off a bit my fatigue. i worked a 2300 - 0700 shift friday night, and i think it took more out of me than i expected. i'm thankful for yesterday's day off. i enjoyed resting so much, and have a very severe crush on Jon Hamm. did you see him at the Golden Globes? with the beard? YUM.
well, all in all, today's starting out great. i slept super duper (dreamed of the ex-fiancé, wowza. that was something to wake up to...and still so vivid!) and am having delicious coffee. now, off to work.
grateful for the goodness about faith today. i'm looking forward to relying on the god of my understanding as i go about my daily activities. it is so amazing to not ever feel alone.