God deejay.

I'm a firm believer in my Genius setting on my iPod being a way for God to play music God knows I need to hear and enjoy and love.
This morning, on my 8a drive home from work, after a very busy, full night working, I had my windows rolled down, my iPod goin', the wind was cleansing and powerful!  These two songs set the mood for a really great day, full of a super sleep!, and what will hopefully be another really great night at a job I love!

yay!

I've had a most excellent week.
I'm not in a space to elaborate on a whole lot right now, but I want to plug my new favorite blog, Daily Pep Talk from a Best Friend.  Rachel is said 'Best Friend' and has a feature on the blog to email her if something good happens. So, I did just that. See for yourself what she posted:

Shout Out: Layla Is A Registered Nurse!!!

“I just passed the National Council Licensure Examination and am a Registered Nurse!!!!! I am so stinking excited and thrilled!! Start work at an acute care hospital on Monday! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” Layla
Layla, great work! Give em hell on Monday. Congrats!!
xoxoxoxoxo

When something good happens, let me know at emailingrachel@gmail.com   

To see this in the blog world, outloud and proud, is such an awesome feeling.  Sure, I plugged myself, and emailed Rachel, but you know what?  I am so proud of myself!! I did it!  I worked hard, did excellent in school, finished each of my semesters learning more than the previous one, and graduated Nursing School.  Then, instead of doing the 'right' thing, I left the Country.  I went to Switzerland for six weeks, and was able to enjoy myself, despite my fear of what will happen.  I came back, put one foot in front of the other to do the next indicated thing.  I got my test date for license, applied for jobs, got hired at a job before getting licensed, and passed NCLEX. 

I did it!!
Wow.

One huge 'Yay!' if you ask me!!!
Hope you're doing well today, too.

Egoic Doubt and Fear.

I am sitting here, getting ready to get ready for bed.
I don't want to be in stress or fear about Thursday.
It's creeping in a little bit----did I do enough?  I just know I didn't because The Princeton Review book I have isn't completely read.
Did I do just what I had time to do? Yes.  
I am scared I'll fail, and I'm hopeful I'll pass. 
I don't want my ego or my self-defeating mind to get the better of me in this process. 
It is just a test.  That's all this is. 
Just a test.  
I can weight it in my mind if I want to, but that just makes it bigger than me and I already have a Power Greater than Myself.  
If I make this exam bigger than God, then I'm sure to fail.  
No matter what the outcome. 


I am tired of studying, and grateful for all I'm learning during this serious review process. 
Tomorrow, I wake before the sun to catch the sun rise from Trail 317 north of Thumb Butte.  
Then, I do a practice exam. (more than one if I have time.)  
And, a lunch date with a very nice and fun man at noon.
I don't plan to study after lunch.
From lunch, I plan to drive to Mesa to hang with my daddy-o and try to breathe and be calm.

But of course, these are all speculations as to how tomorrow will play out, and I know very well that my days have not been going as I think they should.  So...
I get ready for bed, now.

Good night, world.

Sun.Day.

Today has begun with Things I Love.

1. waking to the sun
2. watching the sun rise
3. coffee
4. another coffee
5. happy babies
6. toast with earth balance, peanut butter, raspberry jam and ground flax
7. lots of glasses of water
8. being healthy 
9. taking my vitamins
10. prayers
11. reliving dreams in my mind while little bodies eat cereal and make funny faces at me across the table
12. being well rested
13. little plans and designs
14. turning 'them' over
15. trusting NCLEX will be just what it needs to be
16. wishing i could have a morning with my mom 
17. thinking about half-marathon runners
18. curious what i need to do to get the scale to go below 167.4
19. contemplating another coffee but knowing that would probably be a bad idea
20. looking over and seeing a brown-eyed sweet four year old roll her banana in her hands like it's a play-doh snake
21. wishing my hair would curl at the ends like the sweet almost-three year old sitting next to me
22. contemplating bangs and a bob
23. gratitude
24. faith
25. sunshine

Happy Sunday.

..in.the.moment..

What a week!!
Holy Moly!!

I try to reflect on what I was doing this time a week ago, and I literally have to open my planner to remember.  It's been sooo long since a week ago Saturday.

I will fill you in on what I can remember---I had an overnight shift with a little girl I haven't taken care of since June, and it was so fun.  We played hard, we enjoyed each other's company and she was on board to go with me to my sweet friend Beth's daughter's baptism.  It was a special day on Sunday, and I was thrilled to be part--even if we couldn't stay the entire time.  Beth is an awesome Mom and her little babe is a joyjoyjoy.  The entire time she was up near the alter she was smiling.  It was a sweet day.

My little charge and I went to see Nanny McPhee Returns.  It was a fun movie!!  I can't find anywhere the lessons Nanny McPhee imparts on the family she is with, but when I can find it, you'll see it in a post, for sure!    Sunday night, I had the privilege of my darling friend Becky's company for a two hour walkabout our little town's square, and then an hour more of sitting and chatting.  We were in desperate need of a catch-up!

Monday I spent studying and practicing yoga in the evening after a delicious dinner with a sweet friend, Jen.  She is very talented, and I posted earlier this week a video they just created for their song. I am so proud of my friends!!  There is a new yoga studio in town, it opened last week (when I get the webpage link I will post it!) and all this week they've offered classes for Donation.  So, I had the yummy privilege of practicing yoga in a classroom setting, instead of in my living room in front of the television.  The studio is offering Hot Yoga Vinyasa and some 12 Step Yoga classes, and so far, I'm hooked!!  I really enjoyed where my yoga practice took me this week.

Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday were heavy work days--averaging nine hours each day.  IKES!  Tuesday night was a treat, though, and I was taken out on a date.  I think this *ahem* male friend is very super duper, and we had a great night.  Not at all what I expected to have happen this week, and really the definition of a treat! Oh! And Tuesday I found out what my schedule will look like at the new job and it will be DAYTIME (yessssssssss!) and three 12-hours shifts in a row: Thursday, Friday & Saturday.  Long days, and I'll be tired, but I'm so thrilled I won't be working nights!!  And, I'm overwhelmingly excited to begin working as a nurse.  By the time I start on the unit, it will be SIX MONTHS since I've done any nursing care, and I am readyready to get back at it!

On Wednesday and Thursday I got to spend some time with my friend Dani, and that was wonderful.  She's doing well, and I enjoy the company she offers and the time I get to spend with her children.

And, then, well, then there was yesterday.  Fuhhhhreaky Friday.

I went to Human Resources for my new company and signed my Offer Letter.  I filled out reference check information, employment screening information, all that good stuff.  I found out officially that if I don't pass NCLEX, I will not be working this job.  (I sort of knew this already, but I enjoy knowing things with certainty and now, now I know).  I found out some of the benefit package details, as well, and am overwhelmed with what I have been calling, until yesterday, my grown-up job.  I am excited!  There are things that come with this nursing position I've never had as an employee:  insurance!, paid time off!, vacation pay!, life insurance!, overtime!  These things equal a grown-up job.  Or, at least they did until I had a most welcome and severely humbling conversation yesterday.

Here's the lesson I am learning:  a deeper understanding of Step 3.

When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 63)

So, I have a new Employer.  And this previous idea of grown-up job is completely FALSE.  For the past three years, I've been exclusively working as a nanny.  I've been able to earn enough money to live a full and rewarding life.  I've supported myself while I've been in school, and what a gift I've been able to care for children, and be of ultimate assistance to families in my community.  I heard yesterday: a grown up job is something you would do for free or for fun.  I would (and do!) my job for free and for fun!

Now, I'm employed as a Nurse and am working in a profession where compensation and a benefit package are par for my course.  Would I do nursing for free and for fun?? YES!  (Mind you, I have for the past two years during clinical experience in the various hospitals in my town).

The blessing of the lesson I'm learning is that God is my Employer.  God "provides what I need when I keep close to him and perform his work well."  I believe this fully!  I want to see what I can contribute fully to this life!  Regardless of what my benefit package is.  More on this lesson, I'm sure, but I am blown away by this awareness, and excited to stop devaluing myself for only working in childcare these past three years.  What an honor to care for other's children, to do a great job at it, and to be reminded whatever work I do, I get to do it for God.  Every bit of it.  Nursing, childcare, the dishes, all of it.  For God.

So, that was my morning lesson yesterday.  I went to a local coffee shop and participated in the Eckhart Tolle book study, went to leave, and couldn't find my keys.  Um.  I don't lose my keys.  I looked everywhere.  I went up and down the block, asked every business to see if someone had turned in my keys, I phoned my roadside assistance, and a locksmith was en route to open my car to hopefully find my keys--maybe they're in my car?? Tow truck comes, unlocks my car, keys are not in it. So, roadside assistance offers I get another tow truck to come, tow me to Prescott Honda, and I paid $109 for a new key.  Yep.  One hundred nine dollars.  for a key.  


I was a blob of buzzed out mess--after my morning of discovery regarding employment and worth, I lost my keys.  I had to pay money that was allotted for other things (oh well!) and thank goodness my roommate was kind enough to make a copy of his house key and bring it to me while I sat in the showroom of Prescott Honda and studied for NCLEX, waiting for my new key to be programmed.  


Holy Moly, Freaky Friday!

The entire day I had planned blew up to be not that at all when I couldn't find my keys to leave Cuppers.  What does all this mean?  Do I need to slow down?  Do I need not be on the phone talking about worth, employment and God while driving?  um....probably.

Last night, I treated myself to quiet.  Much needed and enjoyed quiet.  I watched Greenberg, which I don't recommend. And I watched A Single Man, which I HIGHLY recommend.  A movie night? With NCLEX looming in just six days?  Yep!  I neeeeeded it.

Today has been fabulously calm.  I woke well rested and caught up on some business I unfortunately neglected with my long hours this week.  I went to the farmer's market and got yummy eggplant and kale from Whipstone Farm, and some amazing vegan tamales.  I have another overnight shift tonight with four kiddos.  Whoa.  Grateful, and looking forward to earning enough tonight to pay for the week ahead.  And, study study study.

Gosh, what a week!  I'm ripe with awareness and learning, and feeling surprisingly calm about Thursday.  My job and my profession are contingent on Thursday morning at 8am and I am calm.  Thank you, God.

I hope this week ahead can continue with calm, and I don't lose any more things of value....Especially my serenity.  Most importantly, my serenity.

Happy Saturday!

Eckhart Tolle (v.1)

I've had A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle for a few years now, and just figured I couldn't really get into it because of the rigorous reading requirements of nursing school.  I have a couple friends that have been studying this book and I asked them recently if they would be interested in meeting to do a book study--selfishly, so I can actually start studying this intriguing book, and altruistically, because I really like book studies with these women!

Friday marked our first meeting, and with A New Earth I've only been able to get 60 pages in!  I've tried reading it three times!  Three times!  And each time I get sidetracked and stop around page 60....So, I'm super thrilled to begin this book in the way we are.  One of the members is going to pick a topic and we'll read on the topic and talk about it.  Very casual.

The topic chosen was Conscious Suffering and Conscious Parenting.  I about floored when I walked into the meeting--I was a bit late because of my schedule, and feeling an overwhelming sadness regarding my friend in surgery.

Here is what we read:

If you have young children, give them help, guidance, and protection to the best of your ability, but even more important, give them space--space to be.  They come into this world through you, but they are not 'yours.'  The belief "I know what's best for you" may be true when they are very young, but the older they get, the less true it becomes.  The more expectations you have of how their life should unfold, the more you are in your mind instead of being present for them.  Eventually, they will make mistakes, and they will experience some form of suffering, as all humans do.  In fact, they may be mistakes only from your perspective.  What to you is a mistake may be exactly what your children need to do or experience.  Give them as much help and guidance as you can, but realize that you may also at times have to allow them to make mistakes, especially as they begin to reach adulthood.  At times, you may also have to allow them to suffer.  Suffering may come to them out of the blue or it may come as the consequence of their own mistakes. 

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could spare them from all suffering?  No, it wouldn't.  They would not evolve as human beings and would remain shallow, identified with the external form of things.  Suffering drives you deeper.  The paradox is that suffering is caused by identification with form and erodes identification with form.  A lot is caused by the ego, although eventually suffering destroys the ego--but not until you suffer consciously.  

Formless attention is inseparable from the dimension of Being.  How does it work?

As you look at, listen to, touch or help your child with this or that, you are alert, still, completely present, not wanting anything other than that moment as it is.  In this way, you make room for Being.  In that moment, if you are present, you are not a father or mother.  You are the alertness, the stillness, the Presence that is listening, looking, touching, even speaking.  You are the Being behind the doing.  

These paragraphs are so ripe with tangents and thoughts.  I love what Mr. Tolle says about suffering--that it is not avoidable.  In 12 Step rooms, I hear often, "Pain isn't option, but suffering is."  And, in some cases I believe that statement.  It is up to me to not suffer because of the pain that is bringing about change.  Pain is the catalyst for my change, and I'm grateful for the awareness.  In Mr. Tolle's language, I believe the awareness that pain brings about discomfort so I may begin to change what is causing me pain is 'Conscious Suffering.'

I appreciate so much the essence of Being, especially as it relates to parenting.  I spend a lot of time with children, and hope one day to have my own (God willing!)  I sincerely appreciate the reminder that in the moments I am the Being, the essence of who I am, and I let go of all else, I'm truly showing up for the children with whom I keep company.

I hope your weekend is blessed!

sleepin in.

I haven't slept in this late in a long time.  It feels awesome!! I've been pushing the Layla envelope with three!  (yes three!) nights in a row going to bed after midnight! (ack!) Today, I woke so so so so tired.  I've been given an assignment in my step work that is very pivotal and this week has been so busy (there's a lesson; I'm going to get to it)!  Every time I started writing for my assignment, something would come up, or I couldn't see the exact harm I've caused...I was getting frustrated, and ended up canceling my appointment to go over the list.  I need more time.

I was flexible with myself this morning, too.  Being so tired, and only functioning on six hours of sleep did not sound like a super way to start my day--even though Saturdays are my favorites.  In the four weeks I've been home, I've begun this darling Saturday routine:  up at 0700, Kundalini yoga, quick breakfast, 0845 book study and coffee meeting, 1030 meeting, home around noon feeling rejuvenated and serene.

Well, today, I crawled out of bed at 0950!  WOWZA!  I didn't go to my meetings, I didn't yoga.  I've been super flexible with myself this week around activity.  I was on a roll before this week began:  hiking, yoga-ing, doing something every day...Then, I just paused for this week.  It seemed too overwhelming with all I have going on.

So, as far as my lesson for the week, here goes.  (I haven't gotten to the lesson learned part; I'm still in the discomfort of awareness).  I've set my date for NCLEX.  September 23.  That's in THIRTEEN days.  I took advice from those near to me and scheduled studying time EACH day this week..Starting with Monday.  On Monday, it didn't work.  The program Noriko lent me to use for practice questions wasn't loading and I got frustrated.  I did end up doing 180 practice questions, and that was a super starting point.  But, unfortunately, aside from a half hour of Princeton Review work booking on Thursday, that's all. I've. done. 

My discomfort lies in letting other things be more important than this study time.  More important than me working my 8th step.  More important than getting enough rest each night.  It feels like procrastination disguised by my being too busy.  I'm putting things in front of studying and working my steps.

It's uncomfortable.  And, I'm so so so grateful for the awareness.  This morning, I've made a delicious breakfast, coffee, and am listening to Wait Wait.  I am catching up the blog world with my lessons.  I work a 24-hour shift beginning at 1700 tonight, and have a busy day planned with my little kiddo tomorrow.  The good news?  It's only 1100 and I have six hours to focus on NCLEX.  (My goal for today is a solid three hours of studying).  I look forward to sitting in awareness around this lesson of putting myself first and transitioning into acceptance.

A fun note: I was flirted with last night by a man I find totally sweet, intelligent and kind.  It was very exciting and fun and we made plans for Tuesday night. Hmmmm....So didn't see that coming.

An awesome God note: my darling friend is out of surgery, her discharge papers are signed and we had an awesome conversation this morning.  Her voice doesn't sound groggy at all; she sounds great.  She will be home this afternoon, and I'll get to see her tomorrow.  God is so great!  (Thank you for answering prayers, and allowing my darling friend to be safe, without complication, and hopeful!)

A body note:  I plan to do a whole blog about this because it's totally weirding me out but I'm in size 12 pants--like, totally in a size 12.  I weigh 165 pounds.  I haven't been this little since 2002.  (little:  re: still overweight as BMI standards go, and I still feel I could lose another 20 pounds!)  The future blog will be about how I thought it was going to feel, because it is surprising and weird, and I don't trust it, and I really thought fitting into those GAP size 12's and American Eagle size 12's I've kept for EIGHT YEARS would be more monumental than it was yesterday when I pulled them on and they were kind of loose.

A work note:  I'm so excited about my new job, and didn't ask what would happen if I don't pass NCLEX--it is in the back of my mind.  What if I don't pass??  I have a list of questions to ask the Director of Nursing next week, and will hopefully get more of an idea of what life working as Registered Nurse will be like. As far as childcare goes, I'm blown away at God providing so hugely for me right now.  I am working lots, and having fun, and enjoying the kiddos with whom I keep company.  I am so blessed!!  

I hope this day is treating you well.  It's a big day for American history--nine years ago today.  I think it's important to live life to the fullest on this day--heck! I think that of every day, but especially today.  There seems something  powerful about enjoying the freedoms of this American life and celebrating them.  For me, celebrating the joy of American life is the best way I can acknowledge the awful of September 11.

HIRED!

I was hired today at a 16-bed acute-care facility in my community.
I am blown away.
And so thrilled.

I begin orientation on September 27---after I pass NCLEX and get the good fortune of seeing Michael Franti & Spearhead in concert in Flagstaff September 26.

I am so delirious with gratitude and awe I can feel my head floating a little higher than it was before 1600 this afternoon.

Now, I'm making donuts for a sweet friend's birthday celebration tomorrow.
And walking in a somewhat stupor of gratitude and amusement that this is indeed my life.
Ohmygosh!

So blessed.

perfect timing.

Today's Reminder from God is spot on!
I leave in an hour for a job interview---

Trust in Me and leave to Me the choosing of the day and hour, then My miracle-working Power is made manifest.

There is something beautiful about today--is it things are falling into place?  is it the delicious apple I'm eating from finally at last apples are in season New Frontier's?   is it the beautiful kiddos I was able to be around today??

I'm not sure but today feels peaceful, calm and wonderful, and I am filled with joy.

Serendipity.

Merriam-Webster defines serendipity as  : the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for; also : an instance of this.  When I first read the definition I was a bit confused--especially as I've been saying, wow! This is all very serendipitous what has been happening lately.  Well, as Merriam-Webster defines the word, what has been happening hasn't been serendipitous at all, as I am SEEKING after the things that are happening.  

I wrote about receiving my authorization code, and I was so so so excited.  Almost too excited.  I had a difficult time being present Thursday afternoon, and finally found that September 23 was available and would be a great day to test.  Yet, I couldn't click confirm, so I slept on my decision. 

Friday morning, I woke, coffeed, showered, and clicked confirm for testing September 23 in Mesa, Arizona.  

Feels so great. 

I sent out a text to my support crew letting all know I confirmed my date, and this adventure of Registered Nurse is becoming more real as the day approaches.  Five minutes after I sent out the text, and confirmed my test date I got a call from a job I had applied to six days earlier.  

Mind you, I've applied for nine jobs so far since being back in Prescott.  I've not heard from any of them.  I am a blessed individual and have been able to continue doing childcare and nanny work for the past four weeks.  I am so blessed---I still have money in savings, I'm able to afford my life, and I'm in awe at the way God provides for me!!  

I want to stay in Prescott, and I would love to find a nursing job here and continue growing and flourishing in this amazing community of family here.  So, while working in the meantime as a nanny, I've been applying for nursing jobs as they come available.  

So, my surprise to get a call from a job I had applied to a week earlier!! And, get this:  the question she asked was, "Have you set your test date yet?"  Now, Merriam-Webster tells me serendipity is more of an accidental find and not a purposeful seeking.  I purposefully sought this job and this kind woman purposefully called me to inquire after my test date and my license.  Am I making more of a simple phone call and its timing?  Perhaps.  I just find it completely amazing I set my test date and five minutes later I'm called about an employment opportunity and my test date.  

I turned in my resume, cover letter, application and letters of recommendation (I went in with my artillery!) on Friday to another company and met with the Human Resources fella and had an awesome conversation about my inexperience in nursing, and my excitement at getting experience.  

Nursing is a phenomenal field, and it's quite specific.  My education the past two years has been broad and varied.  I've done clinical work in long-term care facilities, ICU's, Emergency Departments, surgery centers, labor halls, postpartum wings, medical units, post-surgery units, cardiovascular units, endoscopy units, and psychiatric units.  I have not had the opportunity to specialize except for my internship January through April.  My experience was perfect, too, because it was there I realized I don't know if I'm ready to begin my dream of midwifery just yet.  I think I want to experience life as an RN doing all types of nursing.  I want to do it all. (This is not surprising to me).  

So, applying for jobs means I have to WOW! my future employers with my go-get-em attitude and ability to apply the broad knowledge of nursing school into a specific field.  I have to explain the dilemma of the Catch-22: Hire me even though I don't have the experience you're after.  Train me so I will have the experience you're after.  Please.  You will not regret it because I'm eager, excited and willing to learn!  I am ready to begin this amazing career!  

I have an interview Tuesday with a 16-bed hospital in the area and I'm so excited about the opportunity.  Is it what I thought I would be applying for?  Is it what I sought after?  No!  It is a surprise, it is serendipitous, and I'm so excited!!  

Authorization.

I received in my email today a very nice and well-timed email from 'NCLEXATT.'
I have my Authorization To Test Code.
Which means I am able to sign up for NCLEX.

My future is within grasp.  I taste it, feel it, and envision success! NCLEX is the pinnacle of exams I've taken the past three years.  It is the exam that grants me Registered Nurse status in Arizona, and thankfully, because Arizona is considered a 'Compact State' this also means I'll be licensed to practice nursing, when I pass, of course, in 22 other states. (Unfortunately, not any of the fun ones, like Hawai'i where my mom lives, or Washington, where Whitney lives, but Texas is a Compact State, so you never know!! Maybe I head back to good ol' Pine Tree Land!!)

Regardless of where I end up, this is where it begins.   

I'm thinking September 23 but don't know yet....
I almost booked the test, was thiiisssss close to clicking 'confirm' but my gut said, WAIT!  So, I waited.  I  made a necessary phone call to my support person, and was told that if my gut says, WAIT! I wait.

What a gift of intuitive thought.

Tonight, I sleep on what it means for me to sit for NCLEX on September 23.
Tomorrow, I'll be sure to let you know.

Jump Around!

Grateful For What I Have.

Today's Daily Reflections is so spot on!

During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God.12 & 12, p. 75

Today my prayers consist mostly of saying thank you to my Higher Power for my sobriety and for the wonder of God’s abundance, but I need also to ask for help and the power to carry out His will for me. I no longer need God each minute to rescue me from the situations I get myself into by not doing His will. Now my gratitude seems to be directly linked to humility. As long as I have the humility to be grateful for what I have, God continues to provide for me.

I am having a fabulous time in Switzerland.  It's days filled with amazing company, whole foods nourishing my body, and the scenery and air that is revitalizing my breath!  I'm hiking so much and am very active.  My body is responding hugely to this lifestyle.

In all of it, I'm very grateful.  My prayers to God are consistently of the 'thank you, thank you, thank you, God' variety.  It's a beautiful space to be in.

With that said, I am trying to not go to the place where I'm aware I don't have much of a job to come home to, my finances are just about gone, and I'm not sure what's going to happen with my roommate or my home. Do I move to San Diego?? Do I try to stay in Prescott?  Will the NCLEX people get my Able To Test code to me so I can pick my stinking test date?!?!

In all of that, I'm realizing it's ESSENTIAL I find the gratitude to stay in today, be humble, and seek the next indicated thing from my higher power.  Today, the next indicated thing is to help some kiddos with snack time, and enjoy the cool mountain air, the clouds, these Alpine peaks.

I'm doing my best to let go of my fear and to remember that Faith replaces Fear.  Thank Goodness....

I hope you all are doing well, enjoying wherever it is you are.

I finished The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson and HIGHLY recommend it and now, this Arizona girl is finally getting her hands on some Edward Abbey.  I've started Desert Solitaire and so far, HOOKED...

I leave you with this Edward Abbey quote, from The Journey Home:

There are some good things to be said about walking. Not many, but some. Walking takes longer, for example, than any other known form of locomotion except crawling. Thus it stretches time and prolongs life. Life is already too short to waste on speed. I have a friend who's always in a hurry; he never gets anywhere. Walking makes the world much bigger and thus more interesting. You have time to observe the details. The utopian technologists foresee a future for us in which distance is annihilated. … To be everywhere at once is to be nowhere forever, if you ask me

I think I've found a new favorite in the radical and influential Mr. Abbey.  Excited!! I hope to share more about hiking in this amazing place, and to share the experiences I've been having.  Time and a wobbly internet connection keeps me unable...For now, know I'm thankful for friendships that last, despite distance and time away.

LOVE!

instant Kaffee.

It's been quite a while since I've posted...Life has been busy and the internet connection has been hit or miss.  Sometimes I have it and sometimes I don't and when I do have it, it's on the nights I'm so tired the thought of sitting down for an email or blogpost just feels so 'that much more exhausting' that I close my computer, curl up with a book and head to sleep.

I am in heaven here.  It's so amazing and bright.  The world is alive--the rocks alive with the rush of water on them.  The flowers are so fragrant and plentiful.  The slugs and snails are everywhere (as are the flies. Pesty little buggers.)  After it rains, and the clouds part, the lines from mountain top and sky are so crisp!  It's like the peaks got a bath.

The Kaffee is as delicious as I remember it.  Now, I'm down in the efficiency apartment taking the morning to myself and having some Instant Kaffee.  It's so delicious.  Even the 'just add hot water and stir' stuff is worth mentioning.  (Though I didn't photograph it. :)

I had about 200 photos on my camera from my first few days out and about and I don't know what happened to them--they're gone.  So, I've been uploading to my computer and to picasa every few days so that doesn't happen again.  I know the memories aren't gone, but I sure do love having pictures of each day we're out and about so there is a sense of loss.  The scenery will still be here and I'm okay about the loss, however it happened.

I cleaned for Denise at Chalet Fontana Friday past and it was fun!  About an hour of work, and that was that.  She's very sweet and super flexible.

I've been reading a lot.  I finished The Red Tent by Anita Diamant and I know I read this book about eight years ago; I remember hardly anything from it so I'm thrilled I read it again.  It celebrated Womanhood, Family and Strength.  I really enjoyed it.  I started The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson a few days ago, and it's such a different style of book it's taking me a bit longer to get into it.  I think I'll enjoy it; it's just been a long time since I've read a murder-mystery style novel.  

I've been able to study some while I'm here, too.  I bought The Princeton Review's NCLEX-Review Book, thanks to my dear friend Alison's Christmas gift of the Babycakes Cookbook which I already had.  This review book is awesome.  It's like a workbook for nursing.  Fill in the blank, matching, labeling, true/false, about fifteen to twenty NCLEX-style questions for each chapter.  It's FUN.  It's fun because I'm doing well, and recalling a lot.  I feel confident when I get back to the States all will align as it needs to and I'll be able to crank out a successful NCLEX appearance.  I'm hopeful.

God's showing up amazingly here.  I've been praying morning and night on my knees and that habit has always, always, been helpful to center me to God's will for my life.  I've been continuing each Sunday to study the 11th step, and have been loving it.  I've had these amazing epiphanies and learning moments with regard to acceptance, tolerance, and love.

I miss my friends in Prescott and that amazing man in San Diego, and I think often how I'd like to share this adventure with them.  I see the mountain peaks and after an incredibly amazing hike, I cried tears of joy at my accomplishment, ability and the beauty of the world God sees fit for me to play.

Last year, I was scared here.  I didn't branch out a whole lot.  This year, it feels different.  I'm not afraid I don't know Swiss German.  I'm not afraid if my accent is terrible; I'll still say 'Greutzi' and 'Gut Morga.'  I am enjoying the people in this beautiful village and enjoying so much the gift that is this experience.

I don't know what life is going to be like when I get back to Prescott.  I think about it sometimes, and feel certain I'm going to pack my home up, move to San Diego, and begin a life with Nate.  I think about it other times, and feel panicky, scared, and totally anxious I'm going to be broke, homeless and without anything.  The vacillation of these thoughts is dizzying.

I am reminded often I am given a life to live.  My life includes a six-week adventure in a country I never anticipated going to with such bounty and blessing.  And I'm here--FOR A SECOND TIME!  I am reminded that up until this moment, I've been given all I've ever needed.  It's just so happened that it's looked how I've wanted it to, for the most part, and I've adapted pretty well.

(Or, at least that's how it looks on reflection.  I imagine I've been stubborn and resistant to most big changes in my life--why this would be any different, I'm not sure.  I pray for the Grace to show up as God needs me to show up--to honor God, be of service to other's and seek God's will.  In that way, I know I can't do wrong.)

When I come home in August, I don't know what life will look like, and that scares me.

It's not any different than my life up to this point.  I have to remind myself: enjoy what is, and get back to breathing and taking in this beautiful life.

I am blessed.

Glory Night.

This is the view from my porch tonight. The Eiger at Sunset.
I am blessed.

I'm tired and yet not sleepy, the irony of jetlag.
I hear the family upstairs awake and feel bad sweet Owen and sweet Sidney are not going down for the night.
There is something very, very honest about children adjusting to travel and jetlag.
Adults, we're forced to handle it and be tough about it--do the things the day demands of us.
But, kids? They want to sleep and they need to sleep, so they do.
Except at night.

It's chilly here.
The highs are in the low-60s and the lows are in the mid-40s. My feet are cold.
(It's also 2230 and it IS cold...of course I'd be chilly! :)

I checked the Arizona Board of Nursing website today and noticed my application for license has been received but my citizenship documation hasn't. Which doesn't make sense, as I sent my birth certificate with my application. I feel a little powerless--that I can't do anything about it RIGHT NOW so that feels yucky.

But, I did send an email and hopefully it is fixable, and I'll still be able to be an RN.

Also, there is a British Inn Keeper here in Murren named Denise that asked Troy to let me know if I'd be interested in any extra work she'd hire me for about three hours a week to do some cleaning! How great would that be?? I'm hoping to chat with her tomorrow about her needs and want to make sure it works with the family and all involved but the pay is awesome and it would be a huge relief (*sigh!*) to actually come home with more money than I would if this weren't an opportunity! We'll see what happens!!

The food is great. JJ does an awesome job in the kitchen and we eat phenomenally. Tonight we had a vegetable saute (onion, garlic, eggplant, potato, zucchini, chickpeas & [normal]peas) with this Tandoori Curry sauce mixed with a bit of coconut milk. All served atop brown rice. YUM. A chocolate square (or two) for dessert with some Chamomile with Lavendar tea. So wonderful.

I'm about to do some cruches, actually.
:)

I hope you all are doing well, and enjoying the Summer as it unfolds.
I am so blessed, and hope Blessings surround you as well, too.


Oh, here's today's Reminder from God:

"Soon you will truly be able to do all things through Me and My Strength."

What an awesome reminder as I'm sitting here possibly very near stressing out about my license application and knowing the amazing mountains are right outside. God will provide. I can do all things through God and with God's strength.

Blessed.

tears.

I am tearful today.  I'm tearful at the thought of leaving my lovely town for the Summer.  I loveloveLove Prescott in the Summer.  We have a Courthouse Square that is the city's center point.  It's filled with these huge Cottonwoods and Pines.  It's a grassy area I love to run and play with the kiddos I tend.  I've often referred to it as my own personal backyard.

This was taken a few weeks ago on a play date I had with Owen.  We picnicked here on the Square.
A most gorgeous day.  

Today, I met my friend Beth for a walk and I sat for a while on the steps of the Courthouse while waiting for her.  There was a Craft Fair on the Square today with lots of vendors and artisans set up to sell their trinkets & treasures.  It's a frequent in Prescott in the Summer to have fairs each weekend.  The smells of the cinnamon toasted almonds and funnel cakes is alluring!

While sitting on the steps, there was a Kingston Trio-like band strumming and singing away.  The sky is a bit overcast today and it's chilly.  The trees are so green!  They were swaying and moving in the breeze, and my heart was filled with love my little town.

I've read once that Prescott is a place where not a lot of people are 'from.'  But, people come here and "grow-up" here.  I feel that way with Prescott.  I Summered here when I was little at Friendly Pines Camp, each summer spending at least four weeks at sleep-away camp here in Prescott from the time I was nine to 14.  I knew I would work at Friendly Pines when I was in College and I did the Summers I was 18 & 19.  It was Summer 2001 I moved here to make this place my home.  I've spent a lot of Summertime in Prescott over my 30 years.  In the last nine that I've lived here, I really feel like I've grown into my own.

I've 'grown-up' here.  I love my home.  I love my community.  At the Dinner Bell, the local breakfast place, I sit down, am served coffee, and the server comes to me and says, "Are you having the usual?"  I'm on a first name basis with the servers and bartenders at Raven Cafe.  When I walk downtown, I feel safe and at home. I've created this home for myself; I've been willing to become part of a community and to make friends.  I've been willing to grow here, and I'm so grateful for this place and these experiences.

My tears come as I realize I'm going to miss the Bluegrass Festival on the Square.  I'm going to miss the beginning of the Summer Monsoons.

I'm going to miss the sound and hopeful sight of the Cicadas.  The chorus and song these creatures create is one of my favorite of Prescott Summertime.  I forget the sound every year and then, all of sudden, it's here.  This lyrical hard-to-describe music that comes from the trees.  It is always a treat to see these alien-like insects, and each Summer I strive to find just one making his music in the trees.  Seeing one doesn't happen every year.

I know my adventure takes me to a gorgeous and amazing part of the world.  I am not without gratitude for what lies ahead for me.  I leave for Switzerland June 22 and will stay in Murren, Switzerland.  This place can be described as Heaven and I have pictures of such gorgeousness. (See below. :) I've been here before.  I'm returning to a place of Simple living--it will be a Summer without my cell phone or regular interneting. It will be a Summer of frequent activity.  A Summer without a car on a daily basis.  A Summer full of chocolate. (Oh, the chocolate!)

Here are images from last Summer that capture the joy in which I'm about to embark:

Owen's Joy Face. 

The coolest, longest, slowest slide ever at Allmendhubel.  The Alps in the background are the Eiger, the Monch & the Jungfrau.  

Owen, JJ & Sidney. Horseback riding in the Alps. 

Sidney conquers the Swing. 

The view from my window. 

Sidney takes an airplane ride through the Bernese-Oberland Region of Switzerland. 

The Black Monch at Sunset. 

The local wildlife. 

Sidney & I pose after our very awesome slide ride. 

Sidney & I trampolining. 

An afternoon at the Hostel in Gimmelwald. 

The very awesome Luge Slide. 

Sid & I after a very lovely picnic at the Alpinhof in Stechelberg. 

Layla at Sunset. 

The view while walking in the Lauterbrunnen Valley

A lot of pictures from last Summer.  I am soooo glad I posted these.  It got me so excited about the upcoming adventure I'm having, and the thrill of a place so amazing and a family so fabulous.  I'll be in Switzerland for six weeks!  I really am so excited, even if tearful, too.

My life is in transition.  I am embarking on change and it can be so uncomfortable and a bit unpleasing, too.  I am reminded:

I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself. Aldous Huxley 

And, yes.  I'll miss a lot of what Prescott has to offer in the Summer.  Knowing this, I trust God will provide a lot of growing up opportunities for me this Summer....even if it's not in the high desert of Arizona.

fearfearfear.

I have a lot to do and only eleven days to do it.
Thankfully, my schedule is really open and free to get things done.
On the flip side, an open schedule means I'm not earning money and that makes me fearful.

This is Today's God Calling

Courage. Courage. Courage.

Fear nothing. Rejoice even in the darkest place.

So, I'm reminded today to have Courage.
To Fear Nothing.
That even in my darkest place I will Rejoice.

In this moment, that calms me a bit.  Not a lot, but enough to get dressed for the day and be present for the girls that are scheduled with me today.  I am so blessed to do something I love so intensely and something I'm good at.

I have loads of fear that leaving for two months will cause me to disappear.  I'll just disappear, people!  I'm terrified I'll come back not knowing anything, I'll miss the Arizona Monsoons which I love so dearly, and I'll be broke and homeless.

On that note, I dreamed last night I traveled to Dominican Republic and got lost, but found my way.  I was with a friend I'm not friends with anymore and we were having a great time.  I wasn't afraid of being in a strange place, not knowing the language or what highway leads where.  I was just having a joyful time.

My dreams are on track!  I can be uncertain and in a new, unfamiliar place.  I can tempt my heart with fear, but really??  I know how to act courageously.  And, in the acting, the courage comes.