Sunday, May 10, 2009

anniversaries and migraines.

i moved to prescott eight years ago today. i had high hopes for how i would be spending this day---my last final is tomorrow and i wanted to get a lot of good studying done, then spend the evening with my al-anon family in meeting, and enjoy the night.

oh, my little plans and designs. the migraine started at about 7:20 this morning....i was truckin' through, and even managed to participate in a study sesh this morning til 11:00. many excedrin and ibuprofen later, i'm still fuzzy headed and feeling like i completely misused this day.

the shoulds have hit me hard. i am faulting myself for getting this migraine, and lamenting my anniversary, that i didn't spend it in a proper fashion....

mind you there are some positives: i had an amazing weekend work-wise. friday, i got to spend a couple hours on the square with Sidney, our story to follow soon, a night dancin' with Leta to Wordthieves spinning some amazing music at Raven, and an all dayer outside in the glorious prescott springtime sun yesterday. so, really, i did well in celebrating my eight years thus far in prescott. i didn't get the loads of studying in that i was hoping for, but during my review session realized i feel pretty okay about this final, and there is always tomorrow...

it is fitting that i got a migraine today. really because i was plagued by them soooo often and so tremendously before july 2007--and this is pretty amazing, but today's migraine is the first major one i've had in 2009. such a feat! and a testament that there are definitely some good things goin' right.

i am just really grateful to be here where i am, learning the lessons that have brought me this far and continuing to enjoy the journey. migraine and all.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

what it means to love a job.

I've been overwhelmingly appreciative of my job lately. In love with it, really. It's been amazing---either it's the spring weather or how great the kiddos I've been tending are, maybe a mixture of both. I don't know what's different, but I'm blown away by how fortunate I am lately. I am finishing up my first year of nursing school on Monday. I am feeling some trepidation about how to fill my week now that 25 hours of my time will be free without my school responsibility. Also, with one of my families leaving in just three short weeks, the panic could very easily start creeping.

But, I'm not panicky. I feel a tad curious how all this will work itself out, and again, completely in awe I'm able to have this job. It is unbelievable. Today, I went on a picnic with Kira Sky. We laid on a blanket and I read stories to her; she ate lunch, we watched the ducks and enjoyed the sun. She was sweet, cuddly and loving. It was an incredibly special day! Then, not an hour and a half later, I was covering the Love girls with sunscreen, putting their bathing suits on, and tromping out to their beautiful yard to slip-n-slide. (A note: this is the second time this week I've missed out on some slip-n-slide action because I didn't have my suit! I'm gonna start packing it in the car for these just in case moments!) I couldn't get enough of the sun! I neeeeeeed it to seep into my bones! The beautiful weather, on top of these little girls I get to spend my time with---my heart is so full of joy it is almost painful.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is I am so blessed! I get paid to do something I love. I get to have so much fun at work on a daily basis. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought my life could be so directed and so fortunate. It is absolutely a wonder. I don't know how my financial situation will work out this summer, but to have this much appreciation and joy for my job just completely instills my faith for that great big Higher Power to show me the next path in store--the next family to wow me, the next opportunity to direct me until school starts again in August. I am just so blessed!

"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take a step into the darkness of the unknown we must believe that one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or we will be taught how to fly."
--Patrick Overton

Friday, May 08, 2009

just about forever...

since i've last written. i've been motivated again by this gorgeous, inspiring woman i know who blogs daily. it's so awesome!! how does she have the diligence and discipline to do it?? i don't know why i want to be that diligent and disciplined?? i think it speaks to me in a lot of ways because i've longed to be the type of person who did something consistently every day. and, i've just never been that type of person. so, in my resolve to get through this next week, i'm going to give myself some worth, and see for myself the things i do on a daily basis, some things i can be proud blogging is not one of them...yet.

1. i pray daily. it never seems to look how i think it 'should,' but i do pray each and every day.
2.i brush my teeth daily. sometimes three or even four times.
3. i also do my best to look becomingly. i brush my hair and make sure last night's mascara isn't streaming down my face. i'm even known to shower and make sure i'm smellin' a-o-k.
4. i read every day. this also doesn't exactly look as it 'should' but again, the shoulds get me in trouble. i can honestly say i read something every day that inspires me, be it a nursing text, a novel or one of the many daily readers i have. i read and i like that.
5. i'm good to myself. i eat well. i'm conscious about my food choices and i strive to make healthy, organic meals for my body.
6. on that note, i am growing smoothly into my third decade as i look in the mirror and am happy with what i see. i might have to look at different parts on a funky day, and be grateful and happy for those parts, but really, on a daily basis, i'm loving me.
7. i love my job. i don't work every day, so maybe this doesn't fall in the 'right' category, but i'm very grateful on the days i do work. i am heading to work with joy in my heart; i get paid to do something i love and something at which i'm naturally talented.
8. every single day i pray the serenity prayer. i know i already mentioned prayer, but this prayer is special and specific to me in that when i'm praying it, it shows me i'm working my program. i'm consciously seeking contact with a great, big, huge force in my life, and i'm beyond words with gratitude for this.
9. i'm loving to my cat and my roommate. i share space with some really great energy and i'm so grateful for this--that my roommate is so awesome and my little girl, Sonja, is just as great.
10. and well, this is something i'm super proud of, i'm an optimist. on a daily basis, i can look at the positive in my life and be grateful for what i have going for me. a lot of times this takes a little bit of work--especially when the hormones kick in and i'm frustrated, irritated, angry about something--but at the core i can remember that in any moment i'm okay and i have loads to be grateful for.

wow. that feels good. and i'll remember these things too: One Day At A Time and Keep It Simple. just thinking and saying those phrases infuses calm into my essence.