Thursday, May 13, 2010

i graduate.

With Honors
at 1pm.

this is very very very very very exciting.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

you've got spirit, yes you do!!!

On April 21, I was awarded the Spirit Award from the Nursing Department at Yavapai College.
I am so lovingly and fabulously blessed.

It is humbling and huge to be finishing nursing school With Honors and to be acknowledged by the faculty that taught me the past two years to have Outstanding Performance with my Spirit.

Pinch me.


So, as most of you know, I've been struggling.  HUGELY.
With this paper.
This last assignment of nursing school.
Like, it was this huge burden of awfulness I couldn't get to the bottom of, attempt, finish.  It was really this HUGE DEAL.

I had set all these goals of getting it done by the time I left for San Diego (nope), by April 30 (nope), by May 7 (nope).  I knew the last possible day I could turn it in was May 10.

And, in true procrastination fashion, all 24 pages of my Nursing 234 Psychiatric Care Plan Paper are finished, in their folder, ready to be turned in tomorrow, May 10.

I feel now ready to accept accolades for accomplishing nursing school.  I feel ready now to hang up my cap and gown and let the wrinkles fall out of it.  I feel ready now, to truly celebrate.  

It was God's great power that got me through this past month of struggle.  I put off and put off and put off...

My sweet friend Becky helped me see on Friday what was going on for me at the core of this huge procrastination---If I got my paper done, and turned in, then I would be finishing school.  I would be done.  And being done means having to decide what my next step should be.  It means I've completed something huge, and the monstrosity of completion and success is so scary!

Becky reminded me that I'm not in charge.  My Higher Power's in charge.  My Higher Power has it all figured out, and if I show up and do the foot work, I will be provided for.  Finishing this paper was the foot work.  The miracle is in the completion, in the effort, in the trying.

I kept trying and I didn't give up.

No matter how fearful I am of what life will be like after graduation, what choices I'll have to make.  My fear is great.  What is greater, though, is my faith in my Higher Power.  My belief my life is in God's hands, and I will be taken care of whether I succeed or fail.  And, really, it's not in God's plan that I fail.  At least not in this moment.

Oh, Gosh!
I am so stinking thrilled!!


Friday, May 07, 2010

Candy Happy Poppy Goodness.

This video just makes me so happy...

powerhouse of parenthood.

Yesterday, I had this thought, with a 2 1/2 year old, a 14 month old, and a 5 1/2 month old in my care, "I could totally do this.  I could totally have three kids under three."

Sure the math doesn't really pan out, and sure, I'm dating someone super swell whom I could totally see myself having kiddos with--I am not in a position yet to conceive or embrace parenthood.  That being said, looking at the girls I was taking care of, and feeling love for each of their little genius selves, and feeling confident in my abilities to tend to each of their individual needs, I felt really confident about what impending parenthood will be like.

Like I said in a few posts earlier, I am so blessed to be doing this for work.  I am given opportunities to 'parent' infants, toddlers, preschoolers, school-age kiddos!  What a blessing to have these experiences so when my own life path presents itself that my own offspring is here and ready for me to parent, I will be that much more ready and able.

So blessed.

My night was a tad sleepless--I slept solidly from 2330 to 0530. (yikes, six hours, but YAY! SIX HOURS!!)  This was my morning photo, once babe went down for her first nap of the day at 0645:
Number one, my hair is in desperate need of a washing, so excuse me for that.  Number two, holy stinking tired!  I took care of baby--fed her sweet body, we played. (Around this time I made my first double latte.)  I gave her a bath and then put her in her swing.  She loves her swing, so no guilt there....While she was swinging away and doing her 'I'm tired' routine, I put on some yoga.  (DirectTV rules with their FitTV channel...holy smokes! I recorded Namaste Yoga and a Kundalini Yoga episode.)  Turns out the episode I recorded was another series from Maya Fiennes. Her Kundalini is AMAZING...Check it out!  So, I yoga-ed.  Baby slept comfortably while I moved my body in a most powerful, meditative way.
Post Yoga! Enjoying some delicious lemon water and again, yikes on the wild need for washing hair!  I'm feeling so great!  Baby is happy, playing away, looking ready for another nap this morning, and I'm feeling alert, strong and powerful.

I know when the eventual parenthood comes to this girl, I won't get paid for it, and I'll have to work and be in a partnership.  I am ready for that.  And, having spent near 55 hours with this little babe, it is comforting that I still want to be a parent.

Of course, in God's time....
Happy Friday!

Thursday, May 06, 2010

i did it!

What a non-mommy looks like after a most mommy night with a six-month old.  Honestly, she did GREAT.  Up a lot, too many times to count, but with some comfort and readjusting of the pacifier sweet babe fell right back to sleep.  She woke up at 0630 starved and ready to eat, and now, it's 0730 and she's asleep!  Oh, the life!!

I'm tired, but with the latte I've made, waking up nicely.  If sweet babe stays asleep, I'm hoping to get some yoga in; if not, then, we play.

Here's my wonder:  how do breastfeeding moms stay awake without the glorious goodness that is the caffeine jolt in the morning?!?

It's this kind of wondering that makes me curious: is bringing life into the world more important than coffee?!?!
(please know, i'm sort of kidding. Sort of. :)
Thank you, Delicious Soy Latte.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010


Thanks you to Danielle at Sometimes Sweet for letting me know about this.
Completely in sync with what I'm feeling and going through tonight.


There are things I'm blessed to do that prepare me for life to come.  It's really surreal and phenomenal.

This week begins a pretty long shift with a little babe.

It started this morning and I was nervous and so far, so good!  Granted, I haven't done the 'night' thing yet, and I am a little nervous--is she going to be up all night long??? Will I sleep like crud and not be functional tomorrow??  I'm not sure!  But, so far, this mommy business is pretty awesome.  The babe is darling, sweet, and easy to read and take care of.  No miscommunication here!  She behaves differently when she's hungry, tired, and looking for interaction....I like that I've been blessed with the talent and gift to know and understand babies so well.

I am so blessed.

Does this work tug at my heartstrings and make me desire one of my own??
Ohmygoodness, yes.

I haven't done the 'overnight' bit yet, though, so that might change.  :)

I am just really, really blessed.

Monday, May 03, 2010

procrastination daydreaming.

ideas for what i want to look like on Graduation Day.  A mere twelve days away. 

After I got back from San Diego, I stopped at Banana Republic Outlet and tried on so many dresses and suits and jeans and relished in my smaller body and the smaller sized clothes I was putting on....
I also probably didn't drink enough water and was so thirsty and so tired from my travels I didn't buy a single dud.  I was just knackered out from all that shopping!  

So, I haven't purchases my Graduation Dress yet. 

And, I'm tired and headachy and clearly daydreaming away..

This weekend, I'm headed to our sweet little vintage shop, Hop Sing, and I'm going to find that smashing Graduation Garb.  Garb is such an awful word to refer to clothing--
Oh well, I'm too tired to be more witty. 

Happy Shopping!

Sunday, May 02, 2010

an April afternoon....

On Monday April 19, before I headed to San Diego, I had an night with Kira--we strolled to the park, had a picnic dinner and played on the slide.  It was so fun....

I am blessed.


When I order take away food, I expect it to agree with my body.  I trust the establishments I frequent to make delicious vegan food for my meal!  Last night, not so successful.

I ordered from the Indian food restaurant in town, and when I walked into the lounge to pick up my food I was greeted with a boisterous 'hello Layla!' from sweet Kate & Sean.  I sat with them and enjoyed a brew or two while we talked about life...glorious life choices.

They are so insanely supportive and loving, this couple.

I opened up the take away container and enjoyed my vegetable pakora while we sat and visited.

We talked about Nate.  Sean said on more than one occasion to 'follow love.'  (I haven't blogged consistently in a long time because I feel sort of lost as to what to talk about.  I have some major life decisions ahead of me, and I enjoy blogging so much--as a way to sort out my thoughts!--and with these major decisions I just don't know exactly how much to disclose.  I will just say I want it all--no surprise there!--and my future involves Switzerland, passing boards and working as a Registered Nurse, and Nate in San Diego.)

Sean and Kate are a couple I really look up to---they've been together through their respective 20's. A feat I find miraculous as my 20s were so rocky, so up and down, that to find my life partner then, despite how hard I tried!, just doesn't seem possible!!  Kate & Sean have been together 14 years!  It is awesome to be around a couple that knows each other so well, respects one another, and adventures together.  They are also phenomenal parents.

So, last night, I was privy to an impromptu hang out sesh with sweet Kate and her hubs Sean and we talked...They treated me to a tasty Bass Ale and they bought my take away!!  How sweet is that?!?

After our fun sesh, I headed to the house I'm dogsitting at and opened up my take away to chow on some delicious alo chole and sag alo (without cream, please).  Well.....good grief!  The alo chole was not that at all...not a chickpea in sight!  It looked more like lamb madras.  Ewwww... :) So, I called the restaurant and told the owner the mishap!

Oh Gil.  What a rascal you are.  He said, well, is there any way you can come back and I can see what you got?  I said, no.  I'm home now.  He said, can you freeze it and then next time you come in, bring it and I'll make it right for you?  I believe you.

I laughed. Okay, Gil.  I'll freeze this lamb monstrosity.

I made a small bowl of rice with sag alo and ate it.  It was delicious!

When I finished my tummy was grumbly and not so happy.  I thought, hmmmm....That's weird.  Maybe it was the beer??? (I don't drink that often and two beers is definitely my limit, which is what I had last night.)  So, I put on World Cafe on my local KNAU npr station, washed my face, brushed my teeth and settled into bed.

At 1130p I woke to a most upset tummy.  I was sicksicksick....

I was able to get back to sleep, thank goodness but woke at 0500 to more sickness and then up for good at 0700 with an achy tummy and listlessness.
So, my thought--my yummy take away dinner was not so vegan or full of bacteria that my tummy needed to rid itself of....(or perhaps both?!?)

I'm bummed because today was jampacked full of really fun amazing things.
Number one, I was headed to the meeting at 0730.  I need to get to more meetings.
Number two, I was going to participate in a Sentient Rhythms Dance Class today at 1030 with sweet Leta.
Number three, I was headed to a wonderful tea at sweet mama Amber's house to celebrate fellowship with some fantastic, inspiring women.

Now, I'm on the couch, drinking lots of water, and thankfully, able to keep down half a bagel.
Feeling a little listless.

I threw away the take away food.  Even the frozen lamb madras.  Gil, if your food is going to make me sick, I don't want more of it.

So, that's it.  That's an update of my past 18 hours.  On the travel channel they're recapping Hawai'i's top 10 beaches.  I want to go to the beach. (Says the girl who was on the beach just a short week ago.)  Go Figure.