Thursday, January 28, 2010
You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning
I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion. —Billie Jean King
Champions are made. How lucky we are to have the Steps to guide us to become champions. The program promises us self-awareness, but we have to put forth the effort. And the process isn't always easy. We have liabilities, all of us, and it's generally easier to see them than our assets. Self-awareness is recognizing both. To become a champion, whether as an athlete, a homemaker, a teacher, a secretary, or an attorney, is to maximize the assets and minimize the liabilities, but to accept the existence of both. The program that we share offers us daily opportunities to know ourselves, to help other women know themselves, and to strengthen our assets along the way. We can feel our assets growing, and it feels good. We can see our liabilities diminish, and it feels good. The program offers us a championship.
I can strengthen my assets, first by knowing them, and then by emphasizing them repeatedly. I'll focus on one today.
thought for the day can be accessed here.
I am sleeping really poorly these past few nights. I am waking well rested which is hugely confusing to my body. I'm waking every two to three hours, wide awake, able to go back to sleep, only to wake up in another two to three hours. The only thing that is different about my intake is I was continuing to take the Grapefruit Seed Extract despite feeling better, so today I haven't taken any. I'm hoping that jolt to my immune system was the cause for poor sleeping, but really have no clue! It's rare for me to have trouble sleeping, and when I do it throws me off.
Hence my post from Each Day A New Beginning. It just really applies to me today! I set my alarm for 0530 to get up and hit the 0600 spin class. I was so disoriented from my crummy sleep I didn't get up. Until 0645. Thankfully, I felt well rested so I was able to make coffee, breakfast and have some quiet journal time. I am feeling way overwhelmed! Stressed! My class load is heavier than it ever has been while in Nursing School and I'm also doing night shifts at the hospital one to two days a week and working as a nanny. Why I think I can do it all and do it perfectly is just my own misconception.
I have serious perfection/procrastination issues. If I can't do it perfectly, I don't do it. I know this about myself. And, I'm so grateful for this awareness about my own character defects, character liabilities. I can turn these liabilities into assets! Like the reading said, "I can strengthen my assets, first by knowing them, and then by emphasizing them repeatedly. I'll focus on one today." I am going to emphasize repeatedly today my positive attitude and my ability to show up and participate. Just by showing up I let go of my procrastination. Participating in my day and showing up to the best of my ability helps me let go of whatever perfection I'm hanging on to.
I had some really great quiet time where I listed everything that was getting me down: not exercising, not sleeping well, this whole which iPod to purchase debacle, making time to study, making time to get organized, feeling fear about the future, feeling fear about doing it all--working for money, working for my internship, saying yes to certain things (like the Grand Canyon February 12...I just don't know if I should go!). The list was long! And, then I prayed. I asked my Higher Power, whom I call God, to just take these things from me. These fears and concerns are getting in my way of showing up and participating. These fears are causing me to focus on how imperfect I am, therefore encouraging my procrastination. (Because, again, if I can't do it perfectly, I'm way more hesitant to even start, if I ever do.) I put my list in my God Box and left it at that.
Then, I read today's reading in Each Day A New Beginning. It was like this huge hug and gift from God. Like, whoa. I get to focus on my positive assets today. I get to acknowledge how far I've come and realize the more I focus on the positive about today, what I can bring to this day that is GOOD AND AWESOME, the more IN THE MOMENT I WILL BE. I had a couple hours with a little guy this morning, and I got to show up for him. I didn't think about my stresses. I didn't think about any of it. I showed up. And I feel so much better. My work shift this afternoon has been canceled due to more sickness. (Prayers to this family for the sickness they've been fighting the past month! YIKES!!) I feel like this cancellation is a blessing, even if it's a bummer for this sweet family. I now have the afternoon to study and get organized.
And possibly go to Old Navy to buy a dress for the Ballet tomorrow with my 25% off coupon. Did I mention I'm going to the Ballet??
Life really is good once I get out of my head and into the moment.