Saturday, January 02, 2010

Our life is not a movie or maybe

A little homage to Okkervil River in the title..
I've been wanting to do a movie theme post for a week now, and now that the little kiddo I'm tending is asleep and I have the evening to be chill and relaxed, a perfect time has presented itself. 

There's the saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."  Well, the last five movies I've watched have really brought that saying to life.  My December was a little funky.  The cute fella decided he didn't want to be my cute fella anymore and I found this news super hard to take.  My great buddy, Becky, departed this great town for a world adventure.  The holidays were impending.  A lot felt heavy about December and I don't know that I handled it all the best, though I do know I handled it exactly the best way I possibly could.

So, yay! to my delight that God would provide these awesome films for me to look at things from a different perspective. 
The first film:

I got to watch this one with Becky, which just felt so appropriate.  A film about a journey and fulfilling a life goal watched with a friend about to embark on a life-dreamed journey.  While I was watching and loving the animation and the story, it hit me:  Carl is desperate to get his home to a certain special spot.  Just desperate.  Fixated, really.  It's got to look like Carl wants it to look. It just HAS TO!  He's forgetting that it's about the journey, and not the destination.  And then it hit me again! Of course!! It's about showing up to the best of my ability TODAY and trusting the process.  When I let go of the outcome and what I want to happen, turns out I get to have loads more fun in being, trusting, living.  I know it's fairytale to say this, and perhaps in the Disney Pixar storyline, but things just work out so much better than Carl's plan could have foretold.  When the movie ended, I was reminded the same holds true for my life.  I don't need to inflate a billion balloons with helium and rescue a rare bird to have what I want come true.  I just have to show up to the best of my ability and trust the process, and thank goodness, let go of the outcome. 

Christmas day held a double-feature.  I didn't know they would relate so much to me, but they sure did.  The second film:

'The story of a man ready to make a connection.' Oh George.  I'll make a connection with you.  ANY TIME.  What I took most from this film is that life changes.  What I want and hold dear to my life, like Ryan Bingham, can change.  I get to change my mind.  And go for it! And show up how I really want to show up in life, and chances are (again, recurrent theme!) it's not going to look how I want it to...I'm going to throw myself out there and be the best self I think I can be, and the person, the situation, the thing I throw myself toward might not want me.  But, at least I did it!  At least I made that effort and got ready to make a connection.  I had been wresting the past month or so about 'What's the Point of Relationships.'  Not feeling that at all with my girlfriends but feeling it strongly with intimate partners if there is no guarantee a relationship is going to work, why go for it???  Strong thoughts, right?? This film presented an entire scene about 'what's the point?'  I felt my heart validated for feeling and thinking these thoughts.  I won't give away how it ends, but love the idea that it's all about making connections.  I do see the point in that. 

Christmas night, cozy in a comfy chair with blanket atop me and girlfriends by my side I watched

I adored this film.  I learned a lot about sweet Julia Child and thought, of course, Meryl Streep, was divine.  Isn't she just divine in everything she does?!??!  Both stories in the film were really fun, and again, this recurrent theme of 'it's not going to look how you think it will.'  BING! I get it, SHEEESH!!! I was also blown away by the hard work each woman underwent.  Following a goal and striving toward learning and doing the best you can takes a lot of hard work.  I'm cool with that.  I'm ready to work hard at this whole letting go of the outcome thing.

The next film

Oh, Charlyne Yi.  What's the point of love?  Oh, who knows!  But thank you so much for asking and making this fun film about your questions, and although you're a tad annoying you seem quite genuine and I enjoyed the end where you said, you know, you put yourself out there, and you get hurt, but at least you did it.  I felt that.

And finally, a gem:

My crush meter was on overload with this film as I have die hards for both Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  It was also a rewatch as I first saw it in the theatre when it was released.  Watching it this second time after my whole cute fella situation, WHOA.  Am I the hopeless romantic?  Am I so desperately looking for the one? Yikes. Daringly reflective I truly enjoyed this film.  I love the music, the style, the feeling of this movie, and the whole FRICK! that is heartbreak and not getting what one wants.  You know, I still am giving mad props to the getting oneself out there and just trying.  At least I tried, you know? 

Movies are grand.  I love motion picture. I love getting lost in a scene, in characters.  I'm grateful all these stories melted together for me, and I did try with this cute fella, and I'm so glad I did.  If I hadn't I don't know I would have come to terms with a few things:
1. I'm ready for a relationship, whatever that looks like and
2. I get to let go of the outcome of my relationships.  I'm not in charge of the outcome. 

I didn't know I needed so badly to be reminded of this but I have been and it's been seriously reinforced with film these past few weeks.  I'm grateful, above all.  And that's a good place to be in. 

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