and it's sooooo God's will that i'm having this photosensitivity right now. so what God's intending for my new year's eve. kira's asleep. and mom and dad aren't due home for another four hours. i had a million ideas of things to do tonight. i wanted to blog for a while about my wonderful breakthroughs spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. i wanted to watch Towelhead. i wanted to read. i have a million books i want to sink my teeth into....i wanted to journal. i have a million of those freakin' inventories to attempt and devour and god-willing finish....oh how nice it would be to complete some steps instead of being stuck in the middle of one big huge fearless and searching one.
the good news is the more i write the more i'm either 1. getting over this migraine or 2. fighting it with all my power and the nausea i'm feeling is totally just photosensitivity moving directly to my stomach. i think it's number 2.
i have an acquaintance i know who blogs every day. i'd like to resolve to possibly do this in 2009. i think it would pretty amazing if i could achieve such a glorious thing.
i was playing with sidney & kira a few weeks back....not sure when exactly, but we were upstairs on m & l's bed playing with the stuffed Backyardigan's characters & a slimy toy lizard kira has. they were playing tight rope walk on the foot of the bed's railing. i was playing along, shouting, "PRISCILLA!! Save Tyrone!! He's going to fall!!" it was at that moment i took a seat back on the bed and realized how into playing i just was....i was completely expecting Priscilla to indeed save Tyrone from falling to his peril in the pretend ocean we had created below the railing of the bed foot. i also realized how much i love the little girls (and few boys) i get to take care of. i really, really love my job and glory and wonder it's possible i get paid enough money to live and go to school by working this way. it is really pretty fantastic.
my migraine is getting worse. i think the week of having eaten pork-laden beef wellington and bacon-fried green beans with mushrooms and dear god, devilled eggs! has caught up with me. i got sick on monday night, early yesterday morning, from what i think was thai food, but could have very easily been just the crap i've been putting in my system the last few days....uck. so, it's no surprise i've come down with a migraine. or, thank god, at least just the weird vision suckiness that is the beginning of one. the true surprise is that the last migraine i had was sept 30. that is freakin' crazy....i'd like to make a more solid committment to being vegan in 2009. i've liked how free and flexible i've been with myself about the whole decision, and i love how healthfully i shop, cook, and eat. i really enjoy the food choices i've made and the ways i've noticed how food, and what i put into my body, affects my thinking, moods and reactions. i truly am a product of my nutrition and want to be more resolved regarding my diet.
i said this tonight, "watch out for the stool." and the word 'stool' felt weird coming out of my mouth not referencing poop. i think i actually looked for a pile of poo to watch out for. it was another moment i took a step back and realized i'm going to be a nurse. and i talk about poop in words also used to describe furniture. and that's quite normal.
i have developed this weird, different, totally far out sense of self. it's so weird and different and totally far out i've not yet come into my own about this new being, but i'm trying to figure it out, best i can. are you ready for this crazy? i like myself. a whole lot. sometimes, thinking about all the growth i've mustered up and accomplished just in the past eight weeks i cry with pride and astonishment and joy and true gratitude at god for giving me ME. it's pretty crazy.
i also have a shit ton of gray hair. and i have a great colorist...so either she fucked up the last time i went in (like ten weeks ago) or all that courage-inspiring growth really did a number on my roots and now instead of a 15% gray 29-year-old i'm rocking a solid 50% 'do. i think i don't mind. but it still unsettles me....as do the age spots and wrinkles around my eyes. and to think! i still get carded!!! (i'm laughing...this is funny to me....)
i'm crazy in love with music. fell hard for Roxy Music this morning, dancing around, feeling good and enjoying the rock out of Bryan Ferry's voice. Noah and the Whale are rockin' it pretty solid for me, too, and that's cool. i can't get enough Vampire Weekend or The National. i just really dig on music...it makes me super duper happy girl.
i think that's all my poorly visioned and pained head can do tonight. i'm bummed it's not more, but i have a lofty goal to continue this blog for the next 365 days so i'll close now so i have at least something to compose about tomorrow....