I woke this morning with the intent of a yoga sesh and a trip to the market for fixin's for a breakfast guest. I didn't get to sleep until latelate for me, 1230a!, and was very tired when the 7a alarm went off. I showered, listened to this song loudly! and got ready--Wandered through the market with a fuzzy head realizing I usually don't leave with the house without breakfast or coffee, and I needed to get home ASAP to get some food in my body!!
The AC repair man was due to arrive at 0900 to cool my home (just in time as today is not near as hot as the weekend had been, but at least now we're up and running for whatever heat September has left to offer). I wasn't sure the exact arrival of my breakfast guest, but I got juice, toast and coffee in me and went to check my email---
Well....my guest said he wasn't going to make it. Hmm...Okay! I was so thrilled I took care of myself and didn't wait for his arrival to feed my body. I was a little disappointed and then, took a breath, and thought, this is okay! I can be flexible!
I put on Youth in Revolt and had a grand time!! This film is FUN! Very well written, with lots of laugh out loud moments, and darling Michael Cera sure is cute.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." --Mary Anne Radmacher
Hello Blog World!!
It sure has been a long time!! 21 long days to be exact!
I bet you thought I disappeared, or vanished into the oblivion that is finishing Nursing School. Well, if you thought the latter, you're right. I did not disappear, though. Thank goodness.
I figured since it's been so long since I've written I'll go ahead and do a recap of the past three weeks. How's that sound?
The week of March 29:
Wowza.
I was hit pretty hard with the sniffly, itchy eyes, scratchy throat, snotty fountain of a nose allergies. It was fierce! I had tissues in hand and a Ricola in my mouth most of the time. I think I only started getting relief a week ago---crazy allergy season in the beautiful Arizona Spring.
I was struggling with pretty frequent migraines, too. I have really had much better migraine control since I started eating a vegan diet in 2008--it's been a God Gift, really. I had a migraine Mar 29 & Mar 30. Big yuck. I took my neuro exam on the 29th--the awesome Monday my instructor consented to, and I rocked it! Even with a migraine!!
Nate came for a visit April 2--his spring break began and I got to have lots and lots of Nate time. What a gift! We had such an awesome visit--lots of dates. I think we fit in a month's worth of dating into this entire week. Saw a few movies: he hadn't seen Away We Go yet so we enjoyed that together and same with Fantastic Mr. Fox. Really great films! We saw Date Night at the theatre, too, and that was so fun.
Nate and I spent a month apart. We both agreed we don't want to do a month again--it's too long to spend that much time away from each other. I do marvel at how well we do this long distance thing. I think it helps we both are so busy and have our own lives. We also communicate fantastically well, and often. I think being honest and open, which both of us are, really helps us grow in knowing each other.
The week of April 5:
This week was the big week academically--aside from finishing my Psych paper, I finished up my academics for Nursing School.
On April 5, I finished up my Psych Clinical rotations, and it was really, really lovely. I felt welcomed and appreciated by the women and it was such a great experience.
On April 6, I took my psych final, got an 88--VERY close to getting an A--just need to get an A on my paper, which I will, and then BAMMO!
On April 7, I took my HESI exam (stands for Health Education Systems, Inc) and it's a great little tool our school uses to see how we'll do on NCLEX (the National Council Licensure Examination---it's how I become an RN, by passing NCLEX). Yavapai College and HESI say that if you get above a 900 on HESI you can feel confident to pass NCLEX the first try--My goal was to get at least a 900....And....
I got a 966!
I was sooo thrilled!! Extra points were awarded for those that scored over 1000, and sure, it would have been awesome to have hit that high mark, but really?? I was so happy with my score.
April 7 was also my last shift in the Family Birthing Center. It was a pretty quiet night, and I was very sad to be leaving. And, as luck would have it...At 1220a as I was walking out a patient's room, I got that ohmygod dizzy head spinning feeling, nearly fell over, and felt that impending doom that is the Migraine. I left shortly afterward--headed home to sweet Nate to take amazing care of me. Ohmygosh. It was an AWFUL migraine. My words wouldn't form, my hand and lips went numb. The works. It was CRUMMY.
Thankfully---oh, thank you God, I didn't wake with the headache Thursday morning. I spent the day studying for my last final of nursing school.Wahoooooooo!!! I took the final at 5p and when I walked out, I thought, you know, I probably got an 85....felt really good about it...(I needed at least an 85 to keep my A in the class--) Ended up, with ParScore analysis, which is a gift to all nursing students, I got a 93 on my final.
WHICH MEANS.
(Once that darn Psych paper is in and I get an A on it..)
I WILL GRADUATE NURSING SCHOOL WITH HONORS, WITH A 4.0 IN MY NURSING CLASSES.
This news makes me feel like this:
and like this:
The night of April 8 I invited my girlfriends and sweet Nate out to Raven Cafe to eat a delicious dinner (oh goodness, their new menus is AMAZING.) I felt a huge surge of funk and crazy that night---I don't know. It was trippy....I've been waiting for April 8 the entire semester, knowing this would be the day I was done with school. Now, it was here.
It was a weird feeling.
I was showered with love and congratulations. It was sooooo lovely.
Honestly, though, I felt I was walking in a daze. It was an interesting night.
Leta, Nate and I headed over to Annie's Attic to dance to sweet DJ Wordthieves Magic Spins. It was an okay time. There was a person on the dance floor that my gut was screaming at me to leave--to not have anything to do with this person, even if it meant I didn't get to dance...
I didn't listen to my gut voice.
I will now.
I don't know if I will elaborate on this anymore but I will just say I learned a very valuable lesson that night. I'm glad to have learned it.
I'm also very glad I have someone as strong and loving as Nate as my partner. It has been invaluable to be building a friendship and relationship with this capable and worthy man.
The weekend ended strong with Nate and I dating like lovebirds all over this Prescott town. We make a great couple.
faux pas! you can see my bra! eek!!! we're still cute dancers anyway..... <3
Nate left Sunday afternoon...
The week of April 12.
Weird.
I'm done with school.
Sure, there's that Psych Paper looming. But, eh...
I got back to working with my kiddos this week, and it was so lovely. I treated myself to a massage on Monday. Greta is AMAZING.
Tuesday I worked until 2p and then Becky and I headed to Tempe to get all awesome with Ezra and the boys of Vampire Weekend. Here's a little snippet, thanks to all the young scenesters that felt the need to photograph and video the entire thing. I will say, in the moment, I was totally irritated. Now, for my blogging use, I'm totally happy!
Wednesday & Thursday I worked like crazy, and gosh, with this spring weather, and the amazing kiddos I tend, I have had the best week.
I was supposed to go to Rocky Point this weekend for a Women's Spiritual Sobriety Retreat. And, man! Did I need the recovery this weekend....My recovery has taken a bit of a break with school being so demanding. I haven't gone to near the amount of meetings I usually go to and though my prayer life is remaining strong, I haven't sought the fellowship of my recovery community due to being so busy with school.
Thursday, though, I had this really strong feeling that I needed to stay in Prescott. That I should just stay here and take care of me.
I don't really know what spurred this thought, but I prayed about it and journaled about it...and my gut was just saying STAY. Don't go.
So, I stayed.
I am so glad I did.
I've taken such great care of myself...cleaned my house, which was in desperate need of attention. Organized my life. Journaled. Ate well, and cooked well. Spent hours outside--just being outside. Oh, glorious.
I took a bath with lavender salts and a righteous mud mask while watching Lost Season One.
GLORIOUS.
And, now we're here.
It's been three weeks since I've last blogged, and so much has happened. I focused more on school finishing in my recap because that feels like the biggest thing--I sent out my graduation invites on Thursday. (Very excited to scan them and get that out there for y'all to see---you know, I can invite the blog world, too!) It's been a wild ride, this finishing of my degree but exciting, too.
I am so glad to be home, in my own space (I didn't mention it but I housesat for Rosie for eleven days the past three weeks, too...no wonder I wasn't really in a blogging mood...) It's fabulous to take great care of myself and be more grounded in my spirit and self.
I also leave for San Diego Tuesday.
I'm headed to see Nate on his turf for six long days.
I'm excited...
Thanks to those of you who mentioned you missed my online presence---the feedback is awesome and I value and appreciate your support!!
Hope your weekend has been as glorious and fabulous as mine,
it's one of those lovely, lovely quiet nights.
i made a macro-platter for dinner, ohmygoodness delicious. my workday was short and fast today--only about five hours with Sweet Hannah as she gallivanted with her girlfriends at a six-year-old birthday party and i drove 85 miles from here to there to everywhere...
tonight is lovely. i have Sirius XMU playing and the dinner i'm eating is delicious. i adore XMU. and i adore tofu, veggies, beans, rice and sriracha. i have my first psych nursing exam tuesday night at 5p and some videos and online assignments to do to prep----i think i'm going to consciously procrastinate those things until tomorrow and relish in a night of lovely relaxation.
yesterday was insanely enjoyable. i made some delicious tofu, broccoli, chili noodles and watched Whip It.
i really liked the movie! it was fun fun fun! i think Kirstin Wiig is a gem and i enjoy everything she's in. Ellen Page is a doll, and the movie was all parts what i needed last night after two straight intern shifts. holy tired! i slept like a rock last night. hard! and fabulously well rested upon waking which was even more awesome.
i had a great conversation with someone super special to me about my loneliness the past few weeks and it was suggested that perhaps my loneliness was a little self-pity making a run on me. AHA! that resonated so well with me and a few days after that conversation i feel much more aware about what i truly need and what i'm actually getting. there isn't much difference in the two. i have amazing friends i can reach out to at any time. i am not alone. i get to enjoy this time without an intimate male relationship because it is truly a great gift! i get to be fully accountable for myself! what a gift!!
i'm feeling a lot better and enjoying the quiet, the chance to be in relationship with myself, and the gentle acknowledgment that possibly i was wallowing a little bit earlier. eh. whatcha gonna do? i am indeed and thankfully not perfect.
can i tell you again how delicious this dinner is??? and how much i love XMU??? rocking to some Modest Mouse right now. love those boys.
hope your weekend is going super duper. i work for some darling Love girls tomorrow for a good chunk of the afternoon/evening. there's some football game on that dad wants to go to a party for....hmmmm....i think i'll look at that as some excellent post-bedtime study time. gosh, i love my job.
A little homage to Okkervil River in the title..
I've been wanting to do a movie theme post for a week now, and now that the little kiddo I'm tending is asleep and I have the evening to be chill and relaxed, a perfect time has presented itself.
There's the saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." Well, the last five movies I've watched have really brought that saying to life. My December was a little funky. The cute fella decided he didn't want to be my cute fella anymore and I found this news super hard to take. My great buddy, Becky, departed this great town for a world adventure. The holidays were impending. A lot felt heavy about December and I don't know that I handled it all the best, though I do know I handled it exactly the best way I possibly could.
So, yay! to my delight that God would provide these awesome films for me to look at things from a different perspective.
The first film:
I got to watch this one with Becky, which just felt so appropriate. A film about a journey and fulfilling a life goal watched with a friend about to embark on a life-dreamed journey. While I was watching and loving the animation and the story, it hit me: Carl is desperate to get his home to a certain special spot. Just desperate. Fixated, really. It's got to look like Carl wants it to look. It just HAS TO! He's forgetting that it's about the journey, and not the destination. And then it hit me again! Of course!! It's about showing up to the best of my ability TODAY and trusting the process. When I let go of the outcome and what I want to happen, turns out I get to have loads more fun in being, trusting, living. I know it's fairytale to say this, and perhaps in the Disney Pixar storyline, but things just work out so much better than Carl's plan could have foretold. When the movie ended, I was reminded the same holds true for my life. I don't need to inflate a billion balloons with helium and rescue a rare bird to have what I want come true. I just have to show up to the best of my ability and trust the process, and thank goodness, let go of the outcome.
Christmas day held a double-feature. I didn't know they would relate so much to me, but they sure did. The second film:
'The story of a man ready to make a connection.' Oh George. I'll make a connection with you. ANY TIME. What I took most from this film is that life changes. What I want and hold dear to my life, like Ryan Bingham, can change. I get to change my mind. And go for it! And show up how I really want to show up in life, and chances are (again, recurrent theme!) it's not going to look how I want it to...I'm going to throw myself out there and be the best self I think I can be, and the person, the situation, the thing I throw myself toward might not want me. But, at least I did it! At least I made that effort and got ready to make a connection. I had been wresting the past month or so about 'What's the Point of Relationships.' Not feeling that at all with my girlfriends but feeling it strongly with intimate partners if there is no guarantee a relationship is going to work, why go for it??? Strong thoughts, right?? This film presented an entire scene about 'what's the point?' I felt my heart validated for feeling and thinking these thoughts. I won't give away how it ends, but love the idea that it's all about making connections. I do see the point in that.
Christmas night, cozy in a comfy chair with blanket atop me and girlfriends by my side I watched
I adored this film. I learned a lot about sweet Julia Child and thought, of course, Meryl Streep, was divine. Isn't she just divine in everything she does?!??! Both stories in the film were really fun, and again, this recurrent theme of 'it's not going to look how you think it will.' BING! I get it, SHEEESH!!! I was also blown away by the hard work each woman underwent. Following a goal and striving toward learning and doing the best you can takes a lot of hard work. I'm cool with that. I'm ready to work hard at this whole letting go of the outcome thing.
The next film
Oh, Charlyne Yi. What's the point of love? Oh, who knows! But thank you so much for asking and making this fun film about your questions, and although you're a tad annoying you seem quite genuine and I enjoyed the end where you said, you know, you put yourself out there, and you get hurt, but at least you did it. I felt that.
And finally, a gem:
My crush meter was on overload with this film as I have die hards for both Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It was also a rewatch as I first saw it in the theatre when it was released. Watching it this second time after my whole cute fella situation, WHOA. Am I the hopeless romantic? Am I so desperately looking for the one? Yikes. Daringly reflective I truly enjoyed this film. I love the music, the style, the feeling of this movie, and the whole FRICK! that is heartbreak and not getting what one wants. You know, I still am giving mad props to the getting oneself out there and just trying. At least I tried, you know?
Movies are grand. I love motion picture. I love getting lost in a scene, in characters. I'm grateful all these stories melted together for me, and I did try with this cute fella, and I'm so glad I did. If I hadn't I don't know I would have come to terms with a few things:
1. I'm ready for a relationship, whatever that looks like and
2. I get to let go of the outcome of my relationships. I'm not in charge of the outcome.
I didn't know I needed so badly to be reminded of this but I have been and it's been seriously reinforced with film these past few weeks. I'm grateful, above all. And that's a good place to be in.
Ahhhh....the ladies of Sex & The City! Oh how I love them!!! The movie was RIDICULOUSLY long....but it needed to be to tie together all those loose ends and make everyone happy in the end. Having been engaged for sooooo long, the movie ignited memories of Macallie & My's engagement and how fun fun fun being engaged really is.... There were some HILARIOUS moments in the movie, and I loved Carrie's depression (sorry for the spoiler!!) in a very honest, oh, yes, that is how it really is!! Feel Good Movie....
And how much do I LOVE netflix??!? OH....i love it soooo!
I'm Not There.
BLEW MY MIND.
I watched it in phases...half one night and the other half after some pretty intense self work and was soooo impressed by this wonderful message:
"All I can do is be me...whoever that is"
Bob Dylan is amazing. And, this movie really really really is equal parts fiction & reality and I loved it. I'm going to own this movie AND this soundtrack. The My Morning Jacket performance in the film is BEYOND AMAZING....I can't do it justice with words.
so I will do it justice with this picture. mmmmm....love him.
Back to the theatre for this one:
I don't really know what Happened. And it's called The Happening. That is all I'll say about this one.
More netflix love:
I love this show. It makes me high without having to smoke, thank goodness. Anything this crazy and insane has to be a show about drugs. And I think Mary Louise Parker is milk and honey and gorgeousness all over my face. Love her.
Natalie Portman as a bad girl. Loved it. Macallie and I watched this together, and he actually like it! First time in a long time that we watched a movie together that he liked! it was a good film, well done. The precursor to Elizabeth on all counts....
So that's it....School starts in one week, so I don't know how much writing I'll get to have time to do, but hoping I will still make it a priority. I love entertainment, and how much what I'm watching really does influence me...I feel really blessed to have insight and to see things in a different way.
