I try to reflect on what I was doing this time a week ago, and I literally have to open my planner to remember. It's been sooo long since a week ago Saturday.
I will fill you in on what I can remember---I had an overnight shift with a little girl I haven't taken care of since June, and it was so fun. We played hard, we enjoyed each other's company and she was on board to go with me to my sweet friend Beth's daughter's baptism. It was a special day on Sunday, and I was thrilled to be part--even if we couldn't stay the entire time. Beth is an awesome Mom and her little babe is a joyjoyjoy. The entire time she was up near the alter she was smiling. It was a sweet day.
My little charge and I went to see Nanny McPhee Returns. It was a fun movie!! I can't find anywhere the lessons Nanny McPhee imparts on the family she is with, but when I can find it, you'll see it in a post, for sure! Sunday night, I had the privilege of my darling friend Becky's company for a two hour walkabout our little town's square, and then an hour more of sitting and chatting. We were in desperate need of a catch-up!
Monday I spent studying and practicing yoga in the evening after a delicious dinner with a sweet friend, Jen. She is very talented, and I posted earlier this week a video they just created for their song. I am so proud of my friends!! There is a new yoga studio in town, it opened last week (when I get the webpage link I will post it!) and all this week they've offered classes for Donation. So, I had the yummy privilege of practicing yoga in a classroom setting, instead of in my living room in front of the television. The studio is offering Hot Yoga Vinyasa and some 12 Step Yoga classes, and so far, I'm hooked!! I really enjoyed where my yoga practice took me this week.
Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday were heavy work days--averaging nine hours each day. IKES! Tuesday night was a treat, though, and I was taken out on a date. I think this *ahem* male friend is very super duper, and we had a great night. Not at all what I expected to have happen this week, and really the definition of a treat! Oh! And Tuesday I found out what my schedule will look like at the new job and it will be DAYTIME (yessssssssss!) and three 12-hours shifts in a row: Thursday, Friday & Saturday. Long days, and I'll be tired, but I'm so thrilled I won't be working nights!! And, I'm overwhelmingly excited to begin working as a nurse. By the time I start on the unit, it will be SIX MONTHS since I've done any nursing care, and I am readyready to get back at it!
On Wednesday and Thursday I got to spend some time with my friend Dani, and that was wonderful. She's doing well, and I enjoy the company she offers and the time I get to spend with her children.
And, then, well, then there was yesterday. Fuhhhhreaky Friday.
I went to Human Resources for my new company and signed my Offer Letter. I filled out reference check information, employment screening information, all that good stuff. I found out officially that if I don't pass NCLEX, I will not be working this job. (I sort of knew this already, but I enjoy knowing things with certainty and now, now I know). I found out some of the benefit package details, as well, and am overwhelmed with what I have been calling, until yesterday, my grown-up job. I am excited! There are things that come with this nursing position I've never had as an employee: insurance!, paid time off!, vacation pay!, life insurance!, overtime! These things equal a grown-up job. Or, at least they did until I had a most welcome and severely humbling conversation yesterday.
Here's the lesson I am learning: a deeper understanding of Step 3.
When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn. (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 63)So, I have a new Employer. And this previous idea of grown-up job is completely FALSE. For the past three years, I've been exclusively working as a nanny. I've been able to earn enough money to live a full and rewarding life. I've supported myself while I've been in school, and what a gift I've been able to care for children, and be of ultimate assistance to families in my community. I heard yesterday: a grown up job is something you would do for free or for fun. I would (and do!) my job for free and for fun!
Now, I'm employed as a Nurse and am working in a profession where compensation and a benefit package are par for my course. Would I do nursing for free and for fun?? YES! (Mind you, I have for the past two years during clinical experience in the various hospitals in my town).
The blessing of the lesson I'm learning is that God is my Employer. God "provides what I need when I keep close to him and perform his work well." I believe this fully! I want to see what I can contribute fully to this life! Regardless of what my benefit package is. More on this lesson, I'm sure, but I am blown away by this awareness, and excited to stop devaluing myself for only working in childcare these past three years. What an honor to care for other's children, to do a great job at it, and to be reminded whatever work I do, I get to do it for God. Every bit of it. Nursing, childcare, the dishes, all of it. For God.
So, that was my morning lesson yesterday. I went to a local coffee shop and participated in the Eckhart Tolle book study, went to leave, and couldn't find my keys. Um. I don't lose my keys. I looked everywhere. I went up and down the block, asked every business to see if someone had turned in my keys, I phoned my roadside assistance, and a locksmith was en route to open my car to hopefully find my keys--maybe they're in my car?? Tow truck comes, unlocks my car, keys are not in it. So, roadside assistance offers I get another tow truck to come, tow me to Prescott Honda, and I paid $109 for a new key. Yep. One hundred nine dollars. for a key.
I was a blob of buzzed out mess--after my morning of discovery regarding employment and worth, I lost my keys. I had to pay money that was allotted for other things (oh well!) and thank goodness my roommate was kind enough to make a copy of his house key and bring it to me while I sat in the showroom of Prescott Honda and studied for NCLEX, waiting for my new key to be programmed.
Holy Moly, Freaky Friday!
The entire day I had planned blew up to be not that at all when I couldn't find my keys to leave Cuppers. What does all this mean? Do I need to slow down? Do I need not be on the phone talking about worth, employment and God while driving? um....probably.
Last night, I treated myself to quiet. Much needed and enjoyed quiet. I watched Greenberg, which I don't recommend. And I watched A Single Man, which I HIGHLY recommend. A movie night? With NCLEX looming in just six days? Yep! I neeeeeded it.
Today has been fabulously calm. I woke well rested and caught up on some business I unfortunately neglected with my long hours this week. I went to the farmer's market and got yummy eggplant and kale from Whipstone Farm, and some amazing vegan tamales. I have another overnight shift tonight with four kiddos. Whoa. Grateful, and looking forward to earning enough tonight to pay for the week ahead. And, study study study.
Gosh, what a week! I'm ripe with awareness and learning, and feeling surprisingly calm about Thursday. My job and my profession are contingent on Thursday morning at 8am and I am calm. Thank you, God.
I hope this week ahead can continue with calm, and I don't lose any more things of value....Especially my serenity. Most importantly, my serenity.