Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Egoic Doubt and Fear.

I am sitting here, getting ready to get ready for bed.
I don't want to be in stress or fear about Thursday.
It's creeping in a little bit----did I do enough?  I just know I didn't because The Princeton Review book I have isn't completely read.
Did I do just what I had time to do? Yes.  
I am scared I'll fail, and I'm hopeful I'll pass. 
I don't want my ego or my self-defeating mind to get the better of me in this process. 
It is just a test.  That's all this is. 
Just a test.  
I can weight it in my mind if I want to, but that just makes it bigger than me and I already have a Power Greater than Myself.  
If I make this exam bigger than God, then I'm sure to fail.  
No matter what the outcome. 

I am tired of studying, and grateful for all I'm learning during this serious review process. 
Tomorrow, I wake before the sun to catch the sun rise from Trail 317 north of Thumb Butte.  
Then, I do a practice exam. (more than one if I have time.)  
And, a lunch date with a very nice and fun man at noon.
I don't plan to study after lunch.
From lunch, I plan to drive to Mesa to hang with my daddy-o and try to breathe and be calm.

But of course, these are all speculations as to how tomorrow will play out, and I know very well that my days have not been going as I think they should.  So...
I get ready for bed, now.

Good night, world.

No comments: