Priscilla! Save Tyrone!!

i totally have a migraine and it sucks.  i want to be healthy and well right now. i have a willful desire to type all my thoughts all over this blog.  i want to explain this blog's title.  i want the left side of this screen to be in focus.  but it's not. 

and it's sooooo God's will that i'm having this photosensitivity right now.  so what God's intending for my new year's eve.  kira's asleep. and mom and dad aren't due home for another four hours.  i had a million ideas of things to do tonight. i wanted to blog for a while about my wonderful breakthroughs spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.  i wanted to watch Towelhead. i wanted to read.  i have a million books i want to sink my teeth into....i wanted to journal.  i have a million of those freakin' inventories to attempt and devour and god-willing finish....oh how nice it would be to complete some steps instead of being stuck in the middle of one big huge fearless and searching one.

the good news is the more i write the more i'm either 1. getting over this migraine or 2.  fighting it with all my power and the nausea i'm feeling is totally just photosensitivity moving directly to my stomach.  i think it's number 2.  

i have an acquaintance i know who blogs every day.  i'd like to resolve to possibly do this in 2009.  i think it would pretty amazing if i could achieve such a glorious thing.  

i was playing with sidney & kira a few weeks back....not sure when exactly, but we were upstairs on m & l's bed playing with the stuffed Backyardigan's characters & a slimy toy lizard kira has.  they were playing tight rope walk on the foot of the bed's railing.  i was playing along, shouting, "PRISCILLA!! Save Tyrone!! He's going to fall!!"  it was at that moment i took a seat back on the bed and realized how into playing i just was....i was completely expecting Priscilla to indeed save Tyrone from falling to his peril in the pretend ocean we had created below the railing of the bed foot.  i also realized how much i love the little girls (and few boys) i get to take care of.  i really, really love my job and glory and wonder it's possible i get paid enough money to live and go to school by working this way.  it is really pretty fantastic.  

my migraine is getting worse.  i think the week of having eaten pork-laden beef wellington and bacon-fried green beans with mushrooms and dear god, devilled eggs! has caught up with me.  i got sick on monday night, early yesterday morning, from what i think was thai food, but could have very easily been just the crap i've been putting in my system the last few days....uck.  so, it's no surprise i've come down with a migraine.  or, thank god, at least just the weird vision suckiness that is the beginning of one.  the true surprise is that the last migraine i had was sept 30.  that is freakin' crazy....i'd like to make a more solid committment to being vegan in 2009.  i've liked how free and flexible i've been with myself about the whole decision, and i love how healthfully i shop, cook, and eat.  i really enjoy the food choices i've made and the ways i've noticed how food, and what i put into my body, affects my thinking, moods and reactions.  i truly am a product of my nutrition and want to be more resolved regarding my diet.  

i said this tonight, "watch out for the stool." and the word 'stool' felt weird coming out of my mouth not referencing poop.  i think i actually looked for a pile of poo to watch out for.  it was another moment i took a step back and realized i'm going to be a nurse.  and i talk about poop in words also used to describe furniture.  and that's quite normal.  

i have developed this weird, different, totally far out sense of self.  it's so weird and different and totally far out i've not yet come into my own about this new being, but i'm trying to figure it out, best i can.  are you ready for this crazy?  i like myself.  a whole lot.  sometimes, thinking about all the growth i've mustered up and accomplished just in the past eight weeks i cry with pride and astonishment and joy and true gratitude at god for giving me ME. it's pretty crazy.  

i also have a shit ton of gray hair.  and i have a great colorist...so either she fucked up the last time i went in (like ten weeks ago) or all that courage-inspiring growth really did a number on my roots and now instead of a 15% gray 29-year-old i'm rocking a solid 50% 'do.  i think i don't mind.  but it still unsettles me....as do the age spots and wrinkles around my eyes.  and to think! i still get carded!!!  (i'm laughing...this is funny to me....)

i'm crazy in love with music.  fell hard for Roxy Music this morning, dancing around, feeling good and enjoying the rock out of Bryan Ferry's voice.  Noah and the Whale are rockin' it pretty solid for me, too, and that's cool.  i can't get enough Vampire Weekend or The National. i just really dig on music...it makes me super duper happy girl. 

i think that's all my poorly visioned and pained head can do tonight.  i'm bummed it's not more, but i have a lofty goal to continue this blog for the next 365 days so i'll close now so i have at least something to compose about tomorrow....

Morning Edition Goodness....

...I have a lot to write about.....
BUT...
this is the most important tidbit I have at the moment.

Check this awesomeness out!
http://greenletterbible.com/

i just don't think i can handle one more thing, honestly.

These lyrics knocked me over, and somehow imply I'm pregnant. But, I'm not.

At least I have that going for me!!

I am vulnerable.

I am raw.

I am imperfect and getting that I need to love it.

I just don't get that God has this much faith in me, to be able to handle this death, these choices, this humanity, these expectations.

Thanks Modest Mouse--you always poetically rhyme what I didn't know I was thinking and I am grateful for pandora's choice of your music in my day.

3rd Planet--Modest Mouse:

Everything that keeps me together is falling apart
I've got this thing that I consider my only art
Of fucking people over.
My boss just quit the job
Says he's goin out to find blind
Spots and he'll do it.
The 3rd planet is sure that they're being watched by an
Eye in the sky that can't be stopped.
When you get to the promise land you're gonna shake that
Eyes hand.
Your heart felt good it was drippin pitch and made of wood.
And your hands and knees felt cold and wet on the grass to me.
Outside naked, shiverin looking blue, from the cold
Sunlight that's reflected off the moon.
Baby come, angels fly around you reminding you we used
To be three and not just two.
And that's how the world began.
And that's how the world will end.
A 3rd had just been made and we were swimming in the
Water, didn't know then was it a son was it a daughter.
When it occurred to me that the animals are swimming
Around in the water in the oceans in our bodies and
Another had been found another ocean on the planet
Given that our blood is just like the atlantic.
And how.
The universe is shaped exactly like the earth if you go
Straight long enough you'll end up where you were.
Your heart felt good it was drippin pitch and made of wood.
And your hands and knees felt cold and wet on the grass to me.
Outside naked, shiverin looking blue, from the cold
Sunlight that's reflected off the moon.
Baby come, angels fly around you reminding you we used
To be three and not just two.
And that's how the world began.
And that's how the world will end.

Thirty Years

About the number Thirty.

The Thirty Years' War, fought in Germany in the early 1600's.

Wikipedia tells me about the number thirty, and I quote, "It is the sum of the first four squares, which makes it a square pyramidal number. Adding up some subsets of its divisors (e.g., 5, 10 and 15) gives 30, hence 30 is a semiperfect number.

The atomic number of zinc is 30
(Zn is a very important element, which is really crucial when you're growing a baby and you want it to have the proper sex parts. I learned that in nutrition class).

30 is the number of tracks on The Beatles' eponymous album, usually known as The White Album

I had my birthday yesterday. And with that birthday, I entered my thirtieth year on the planet.
My mom birthed me thirty years ago. That's a long time. That's my whole life, really.
I have a lot of love and appreciation for my mom today.
And pretty grateful my dad gave good sperm parts for me to be genetically who I am.

My birthday was pretty awesome.
Very relaxing and calm and full of friendships I honor and for which I am very grateful.
Life is busy. I get to be calm today. I'm very much looking forward to the year ahead.

some things i've learned since being single...

Hi there BloggerLand!
Oh, it has been soooooo long.

I've been busy.

Since my last post, my gramma died, nursing school started, Macallie & I started therapy and promptly broke up a quick four weeks later. Macallie moved out. We fought a lot, made up a little bit, and now we're on somewhat surprising terms: possible friendship and even a little bit of civility. It's nice.

Now, my birthday is a short five days away. I'll be entering my 30th year on this planet, which is a fancy way of saying that I have one more year of my twenties and am not yet as cool as all my older friends entering that world of the thirties. I will indeed be just 29.

With all this change, I'm in the mood for some serious reflection, and in need of an outlet to express all this internal chaos....Welcome back, Lily Potter Mansfield, from Manchester, NH. (My stage name...it worked really well in Vegas last summer when I was getting hit on by all these older dudes. Wow. I am so gooood at lying.)

Now, for some of my lessons learned.

1) I am a control f.r.e.a.k. I have this issue with needing to be in charge, in the know, aware (but sooo not in the good sense), up to speed, in the dish about everything. When it came to Macallie, I had to know what he was doing, where he was going, why he wasn't home, who he was with, who's calling him, where did all his money go? Yes. This was me. This was horrifying to realize upon retreat from the relationship--that I was engaged to a person I didn't trust able to manage his own life so I had to take it upon myself to manage it for him. Very hard to realize. Also, in this realization, it became obviously clear that my safety somehow was linked to how in control I was. Some sub-category lessons I've learned on this subject:

a) There are three inherent instincts we are all trying to maintain as humans.
our sexual relationships
our social relationships
& our security.

b) I have somehow linked my security instinct with this illustrious illusion and perception of control.

Another thing I've noticed about this control thing....if I don't have a dude in my life to somehow micromanage, I'll find the littlest things upon which to put my magic control touch.

Are you ready to hear about my insanity?
Well. Too bad. I'm not ready to divulge.
Ha. Just kidding.

Some things I do: I recycle my dishes. Now, I don't mean that I'm a good girl and recycle the glass plates or mugs if they break. No. I mean that if I used a plate then I put the plate, once clean, under the stack of clean plates so it won't be used all the time. Yes. I am admitting my obsessive insanity.

Also, I compulsively organize my netflix queue. For no other reason then it's something tangible to organize and be in control of. I don't even know what movie is coming next; I do know that it is fairly organized and is the movie the list is going to send me. Ohmygod. I am sort of, well, not that embarrassed because I'm getting this all out, but this is the real me.

It is becoming deliciously obvious to me why I am not in a relationship anymore. And, I've only started with control.

2) I am a professional procrastinator. On that matter of instinctual security, I feel safe when I feel the impending doom of what needs to be done and how incapable I am to do it all. It makes no sense to me this need to not do, but to just sit and ponder all that needs to be done. It is a safety to go right into old Layla behavior and explain explain explain how fabulously unique I am to not complete the tasks that are before me to do. I chose to be a student. I am terminally reminded that October is just a really tough month for me and it's hard to accept where I'm at because right now it's just not the perfect place to be. With this understanding, I chose to accept myself as not a perfect human. And, at times like these it's hard to accept....Very wordy sentences to say this: I need to just get some homework done and I know I'll feel better. I'm finding that I'm putting things off to the ever present 'tomorrow' and I'm wondering when tomorrow is going to get here. This idea of tomorrow is spanning more than just the understood calendar day.

3) I am a hopeful faithful little bugger. I have developed this ultimate amazing wonderful relationship with this great and powerful huge force in my life I sometimes call God and sometimes call Hugh Patterson. I get stuck on pronouns when it comes to talking about g-d (how my sweet Jewish friends refer to the power) and I don't know if this energy force is a dude or a cool girl or just this force. So, I find myself often referring to my higher power and HP (hence the Hugh Patterson and often times, the male pronouns get used.)

All that talk for this: God is doing for me what I can't do for myself. And, I see this daily. It is such a blessing to be in relationship with this powerful god of mine. It is amazing. I am sleeping better than I have since I moved to this house (April). That is god doing for me what I cannot do.

I am NOT in control of my sleep, I have recently discovered. I am aware of my procrastination and control tendencies and only slightly allowing these awareness to put a dent in my growing esteem and worth--that is god doing for me what I can't do for myself.

I normally would be under the covers lamenting my worthlessness and become a swirl of isolation, still not doing anything about the impending things I need to get done. Now, I am not doing the things I need to get done, and noticing my control, but there's this peace about it all. Very weird. And very divinely god giving me a little push to take it easy on myself and love what I am, cause oh great Popeye, "I am what I am."

4) My mom googled me, and this blog came up. And, she read it. And, it scared me. Here's a little god thing, though: I didn't run to this site and see if I wrote anything about her. Ha! I love that!! I still haven't even looked. I guess my safety isn't totally completely wrapped up in what others think of me.

5) Since breaking up with Macallie, I haven't once been interested in being with another dude. Well, I take that back. For the first week or so, I was super interested in this great idea of a guy....and g-d sort of woke me up to how important being single is for me right now. I am totally amazingly grateful for god's time for my life. I am blessed to not be in the relationship I was just in. I am a little lonely but at night when that loneliness creeps in I remember how well I've been sleeping and how if I were still in that relationship, I wouldn't be sleeping well, and I would be marinating all over the place about someone else's behavior, instead of looking at all my own stuff....

I have a lot of stuff to look at. I am a glorious woman creature. I have loads of good qualities...divinely and wonderfully, g-d created me with these wonderful defects, shortcomings, faults, *bad* qualities to look at and be aware of....I'm very grateful for this process of growing and understanding where I'm at. I'm really happy to be single. I'm happy to be giving poor Macallie a break. I'm happy to be giving myself a break, too. I'm amazingly happy despite all this stress, grief, and loneliness that could easily permeate my every breath. And, while writing that last statement joyous how well god does for me what I cannot do for myself.

reminders from god (part three)

The Two Listeners greeted me with the following this morning:

"Allow nothing to disturb your calm heart with Me. Stop all work until this is restored. Do not let those about you spoil your peace of heart and mind."

I want to crawl under a blanket and cry relief my Higher Power is with me at all times. I am participating in behaviors that are compromising my state of mind, and when my state of mind is not functioning at it's normal 'high level of insanity' I am confused, lost, uncertain. I guess really, there are no mistakes. It is hard to acknowledge when I feel I am mistake after mistake after mistake.

How do I learn and believe and trust wholeheartedly there is good in me? Is it fully my Higher Power's job and it will come when I'm entirely ready to believe there is a blessed creature within me? Why is this my challenge...the root core of all hurt is I'm not good enough. I'm not 'right' enough. I'm most definitely not 'perfect' enough. If I continue to live in this manner, I will encircle around me all the negative, I won't be able to breathe, and I will succumb to desperation and hopelessness. And, perhaps, that is the point...To be entirely desperate and hopeless to actually let my Higher Power in.

For today, I am going to stop at nothing to alleviate my hurting heart. I am going to allow God into my heart. God is going to restore me to peace, love and sanity. I will strive for serenity today.

Glorious Mondays....



ps...On a really good note, I got my copy of Geek Love from the library again. I was nearly done and had to return it on it's due date---someone else wanted it badly, too...it was on hold!---The library system in Prescott is great, tho', and my next requested copy was in my hands in three short days. Excited to finish it up. The new David Sedaris is waiting patiently for me, as is book three in my favorite vampire/werewolf trilogy. Ooooh! And, get this! itunes was giving away The Alchemist on audio FOR FREEEEEE! So excited to have an audio book to listen to!! Been a long time since I've been able to treat myself to something so fun...Read by Jeremy Irons, too....wow. Lucky girl.

oh, and psst....School's going great. It's demanding on my schedule but the material is very manageable and I feel like I'm learning to nurse. Very exciting stuff.

new music...it just sort of hit me upside the head.

Totally Mind Blown.

"Messages" was the last song to one of the Weeds episodes I was indulging in, and wow. I immediately HAD to know who was singing to me, and why on earth had I not heard of this artist before!

Imagine Jack Johnson & Ben Harper & Ben Lee playing the didgeridoo and jamming out without shoes on. Well, there ya go. A nice 'summed' up version of this goodness that is Xavier Rudd. But you know what? He's better than that.

Right on!

I love new tunes!!

Oh! And, It's the Fourth of July. Go America. I spent the day enjoying more rain with the windows and doors open, reading Geek Love and watching Californication. I have been enjoying all this fabulous self time. It is soooo right on. Go Layla.

just when i want to throw in the towel....

Reminders from God (part two)

Never lose sight of the glorious work to which you have been called. Let no riches entice you from the path of miracle-working with Me.

See the photo?
That's what I want to be doing. Laying in bed with Sonja, reading books and relaxing. I don't want to do this work stuff that God has called of me. I don't want to participate. I just don't.

Thankfully.
It's 10.37pm.
And I get to go to bed.
And, tomorrow is quite busy. And, I have a babe that I love, who reminds me to stay present with the task at hand. So, for tonight, I pout. I grunt. I am disgruntled. I feel aware of the glorious work before me, and quite aware and how much I am disinclined to participate.

Phew.

awake at night with vampires and werewolves...

I did it.

Finished the Second Book of the Twilight series in record time...

New Moon

by

Stephenie Meyer

I read the reviews of this book before I cracked it open and was apprehensive I wasn't going to be as pleased as I was with Twilight. False. This book was better than the first. That's right, folks. And there wasn't even any boinking! So much hand holding, so much looking with longing....far too much 'ohmygod, I'm going to die without him' talk, but you know what? This book is great!

I loved Bella's struggle. I loved how much I related to it. I loved the difference between Jacob & Edward. The hot and the cold. The difference in the creatures they become. The bond of family. The strength of love. There is such a creativity to this story, and it is exciting. I am so thrilled I have two more books left!!

I have the third, on my bookshelf waiting to be read. I also have seven chapters of Nursing Assistant text book to be read as well. So....Eclipse is going to wait.

READ THESE BOOKS.

Tell me what you think.

ps...

on a weather note...it rained today. Our third day (inconsecutive) of summer monsoon rain. I turned off the a/c in the house, opened the windows and let the air and rain and the thunder and the cool come right on in. I'm sticky as all hell right now. it sort of stopped raining so now it's 93% humid and man....ewwww. but i love it.

i love arizona. i love the summer here. (it's been a ridiculously mild summer to those of the past...OR...maybe i'm blissed out b/c the new house has central air...) whatever the case, this summer desert rain has been amazing, and i'm so thrilled to have today to enjoy it.

pss...

had my first panic attack in probably eight months yesterday. i feel sort of hungover from it. i'm VERY glad I don't work today, and I'm very thankful I could sleep off the clonopin and relax and read and get back into my own skin. I didn't go to a meeting today, intentionally. I am afraid of what that means, but also know the idea of going was very adverse...so I went with it. I struggle with what that means, exactly. But...I get to do the best I can, even if I think I can do better; I get to understand that my best sometimes looks worse than I think it should and that gets to be okay.

psssst.

growth is hard. but reading is fun. Go get the Twilight series!

xoxoxoxo

movies movies movies part one. **itty bitty spoiler alert!**

Let's start with last month, shall we??

Ahhhh....the ladies of Sex & The City! Oh how I love them!!! The movie was RIDICULOUSLY long....but it needed to be to tie together all those loose ends and make everyone happy in the end. Having been engaged for sooooo long, the movie ignited memories of Macallie & My's engagement and how fun fun fun being engaged really is.... There were some HILARIOUS moments in the movie, and I loved Carrie's depression (sorry for the spoiler!!) in a very honest, oh, yes, that is how it really is!! Feel Good Movie....

And how much do I LOVE netflix??!? OH....i love it soooo!

I'm Not There.

BLEW MY MIND.

I watched it in phases...half one night and the other half after some pretty intense self work and was soooo impressed by this wonderful message:

"All I can do is be me...whoever that is"

Bob Dylan is amazing. And, this movie really really really is equal parts fiction & reality and I loved it. I'm going to own this movie AND this soundtrack. The My Morning Jacket performance in the film is BEYOND AMAZING....I can't do it justice with words.

so I will do it justice with this picture. mmmmm....love him.

Back to the theatre for this one:

I don't really know what Happened. And it's called The Happening. That is all I'll say about this one.

More netflix love:

I love this show. It makes me high without having to smoke, thank goodness. Anything this crazy and insane has to be a show about drugs. And I think Mary Louise Parker is milk and honey and gorgeousness all over my face. Love her.

Natalie Portman as a bad girl. Loved it. Macallie and I watched this together, and he actually like it! First time in a long time that we watched a movie together that he liked! it was a good film, well done. The precursor to Elizabeth on all counts....

So that's it....School starts in one week, so I don't know how much writing I'll get to have time to do, but hoping I will still make it a priority. I love entertainment, and how much what I'm watching really does influence me...I feel really blessed to have insight and to see things in a different way.

God is Good.

And Awesome and Fun and Cool....

booya.

Books Books Books....I Can't Stop!!!

Blubber by Judy Blume

After moving, Macallie was 'in charge' of unpacking my book shelf. I had no idea how anal or controlling I was about how my book shelf looked!! He did it all wrong!! At the same time, I was given an assignment to let Macallie decorate the house as he sees fit and not try to control his way of doing things. Okay. Fine.

The book shelf has stayed the same way since April 3rd. I am grateful he had the time to unpack my books, as with school I did not. I am grateful for him in my life. In so many fabulous and surprising ways. I am going to marry him and I feel very happy about this knowledge and awareness of his role in my life, my role in his.

So...why Blubber?

Well....the way he unpacked my books brought this book to the forefront, and I remember really liking it when I was 8 or 9. So, a quick re-read.

And,

It's a perfect book for fifth graders.

28-year-old sixteenth graders?

Well...

Let's see...

Do I act out of fear to save myself, or at least my perception of myself? Do I judge others based on appearance? Do I want everyone to like me and not make fun of me? Do I act self-centeredly to prevent any feeling of discomfort or inadequacy?

And the answer? Yes. I do those things. Just like the ten-year old fifth graders in the story.

I guess I didn't realize the higher points of the story until right now, and I'm really glad I read it again. I believe God puts the right books in my life at the right time, and God also provides the time for me to read these books.

I am so grateful.

happy summer day....

It's Summer Time...yet more books...

Twilight

by 

Stephenie Meyer

I was recommended this book by one of my families.  The mom asked if I liked romance novels.

"Um....not really..." I said.

Thinking she was referring to Danielle Steele or Nora Roberts, something from the 'Most Popular' section of Costco's discount book rack.  

Then, she showed me the cover of the book.  

Definitely intrigued.  

She said this much about it, "It's a teen love story about vampires."

Okay.  I'm in.  

I have just bought into the biggest teen sensation...I at first felt agasp!! How did I not know about this book? And they're even making a movie of it?? (Google is sooooooo helpful!)

I did acknowledge that in most parts popular culture I am not as up to speed as I once was.  Eliminate cable television from one's life, and BAM!  Ignorance does become bliss...

So...

back to the book. 

Bought it on Tuesday night. Finished it begrudgingly Friday night. (Finishing it was definitely more 'okay' knowing it was a series and I could quickly run to Barnes & Noble or amazon.com to get the next in the four-book series.)

A few things:

1)  It's a teen love story.  I was waiting for the boinking, the bumping, the humping...it was so suspenseful and anticipatory!!  Where was the get-it-on action??  It wasn't there. I had to remind myself this PG-rated story is going to give me just kisses...sweet, lovely kisses.  I also was ovulating during the reading of the great story, so my desire for fuzzy bumping was probably due to my own hormonal surge...(just a thought...)

2) It's a pretty mild vampire story.  Not once was there mention of fangs...

3) A FAST FAST FAST EASY READ.  I was hooked by the first page and totally into it.  I couldn't put it down...And when I wasn't reading it, I was thinking of it...It was a movie playing in my head and I'd read well into the one a.m. hour each night.  

4) At the end, I couldn't tolerate the "I can't live without you, Edward." talk.  It was nauseating.  My own codependence was barfing at the seventeen year old girl falling so hard for her vampire boyfriend.  Blech.  

5) That last blurp is pretty harsh....it is a teen love story...I fell PRETTY HARD for my first love.  MW are you out there??!?  Imagine if he were a vampire!

Those are my thoughts about this great read.  I am definitely going to finish the others in the series.  They're far too intriguing to not buy into...And, well, if I can attempt to be up to speed with popular culture, I'll take it!  

Other summer reads I'm excited about:

Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin

East of Eden by John Steinbeck

A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

Blubber by Judy Blume (a reread)

The Cider House Rules by John Irving (again, a reread)

Any other ideas about great summer reads?? Let me know...I'd be happy for the suggestions!

Lovely love, 

L

If I Could Read All The Books in the World...

I used to impersonate Reading Rainbow when I was a kid...I would sit in front of the mirror and do book reports of the most recent chapter book I read. I was so proud! Reading was so much fun and I loved Lavar Burton and that fun show on PBS...all about reading!!

In about 2000, I challenged myself, since I was no longer in academia, to read. Read as much as school would charge you to read.

It didn't work. I read...but not near enough. I always feel I'm not reading enough. (Perfectionism much?!?)

But...what did work is I have kept a detailed log of the books I've read since 2000...And, I love doing it. I love looking back on my log and seeing all the stories that have thrilled me for a near decade!!


Now, I have a new venue for writing my book reports...
(it should also be noted that since our move in April, I can't find the most awesome journal I had been using for this endeavor! and it feels really awkward to finish a book and NOT write about it...)

So, I start:

Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year
by
Anne Lamott


Mind Blowing. If I owned this copy it would highlighted and dog-eared. Instead, I have to return it to Leta in quality condition...So, my journal is filled with quotes and my mind hearing Ms. Lamott's wisdom. Exceptional writing--really reads as a journal...the Prologue her complete uncertainty and confusion if having a baby is 'right' but she is told as well as once can by God that this baby is hers to have. I love Lamott's complete devotion and unbelievable struggle to trust God all in the same breath. Knowing what I do now of recovery and possibility and trust in God myself was so reaffirmed by reading this book. Also, even tho' I'm not a mother, doing what I do for work is very very close...I loved her frustration and love...these simultaneous emotions, these god-awful confusing feelings that consume her role as new mother.

I think Lamott is a writer anyone interested in spirituality should read. Her writing is honest and surprising. I specifically love the distaste she has for the First President Bush and how this book was written nearly 20 years ago...yet now, there is such a similar political climate. Powerful reading...motivating to change lives...motivating to be a parent with complete trust in God...trusting in God seems to be the only tool I will consistently need for my own children.

Anne Lamott rules.

Reminders From God (part one)

My igoogle page has this gadget called "Reminders from God." Every day it changes and it coincides with readings from God Calling by the Two Listeners. Each day the readings are really powerful and enlightening. Today's was most poingnant:


"Rest more with Me. Alone, away from noise and activity, from these times you come forth filled with Spirit."

Today was a big day. I had the option to work and chose not to. It was more important I have a day filled with ME. A day for ME. It's been a while since I had the opportunity to just sit and do things that are important to my calm, my quiet, my serene state of mind, and today proved to be one of those days.

When I opened my home page and saw the listeners telling me God found my quiet day admirable I was immediately validated.

It is amazing when I open myself to validation from God how quickly it comes...how willingness and reception are directly proportional.

I am very lucky. I am very blessed.
I am grateful and excited about listening to what my Higher Power says.

Glorious.