Thursday, December 31, 2009

A little hope, even hopeless hope, never hurt anybody.

I start this end of the year post with a John Steinbeck quote.  I'm on a heavy Steinbeck kick, having just finished East of Eden and adoring every amazing page...Sure, it's long, and yeah, it's heavy, but I adore this book and it quickly became my favorite, only one hundred pages in.  I've yet to finish The Winter of Our Discontent but am enjoying it quite a lot, too.  (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies has interrupted my Steinbeck flow.)

Well, enough of that.  I came across the quote and thought, you know, that is one mighty way to title this end of 2009, the end of the decade that held my twenties, post.  I was thinking admiringly that 2010 marks the start of the decade that will hold my thirties, and how lucky I am to have been born in 1979, to be so privileged.  I said goodbye to my twenties in style two months ago, this very day, and welcomed the maturity and growth that those dear to me have shown with grace the thirties bring.  And, to welcome this awesome decade of life with a new decade of time, feels super special. 

I'm working tonight and MTV2 is playing MJ: Man of the Year. Two solid hours of Michael Jackson Videos. DUDE. I'm lucky.  I'm soooo lucky.  I'm lucky to be paid to have a mellow NYE.  I'm thrilled to be so so so blessed to have the life I do.  I'm paid to take care of these little kiddos, and GOSH! How cool is that??? Just blows my mind every time I think of it:  I am living this life. 

So, I'm saying goodbye to 2009.  I had such an amazing year, too.

I traveled to Seattle to visit my lovey friend, Whitney, in January.  I started my second semester of nursing school, and rocked my classes with A's.  February brought some amazing snow and some great study time.  I began feeling really comfortable with my life as a student.  In March, I visited my parents in Hawai'i, and had a splendid time doing it up on Waikiki Beach.

April was huge for me--saying goodbye to a pretty major relationship with the help of M. Ward, and getting invited to work in Switzerland.  May started the Summer of the Dance.  And, a lot of hard work to save for my Switzerland trip, which was a blessing in itself. I also hit a huge milestone with my recovery mid-May, and I feel strongly this is when my life truly started to change.  June 2009 was chilly.  I remember being so excited when the warmth started coming and the heat heat heat couldn't get deep enough into my bones!  Lots of dancing--discovered the Right On 80's Dance Party at Sundance's with some sweet awesome Lady Friends.  Leta helped me discover I can move my body in a whole new way, and in so doing, I've discovered so much about my physical self.  Becky helped me define healthy relationships by being the ultimate Safe Buddy.

July was amazing.  I got to go camping with some right on women in Beaver Creek and play in the amazing Arizona Summer water.  I was also thrown a Surprise Party for being me. Yep.  I'm still in Shock and Awe that a party was thrown FOR ME because I'M ME.  WHOA!!!  Blown away.....I was gifted money and cards and flowers and a vegan buffet and so many hugs and loves.  A super special moment in my life.  August held the coolest thing I've done so far in my life--I traveled to Murren, Switzerland to work for three weeks with a super amazing very special family.  I traveled Phoenix to Newark, Newark to Geneva, got on a train and trained through Switzerland to Lauterbrunnen where I then got  on some mind-blowing cable cars.  I arrived in the Swiss Alps in a village called Murren, greeted by JJ, Sidney and Owen.  True to form, Sidney was covered in face paint.  A warm, colorful welcome.  I don't know if I will ever be able to articulate well enough the HUGENESS that was my Switzerland trip (dude---Thriller just started....)  I think it fitting I try explaining Switzerland with a Steinbeck quote from East of Eden:
"Sometimes a kind of glory lights up the mind of a man. It happens to nearly everyone. You can feel it growing or preparing like a fuse burning toward dynamite. It is a feeling in the stomach, a delight of the nerves, of the forearms. The skin tastes the air, and every deep-drawn breath is sweet. Its beginning has the pleasure of a great stretching yawn; it flashes in the brain and the whole world glows outside your eyes. A man may have lived all his life in the gray, and the land and trees of him dark and somber. The events, even the important ones, may have trooped by faceless and pale. And then—the glory—so that a cricket song sweetens the ears, the smell of the earth rises chanting to his nose, and dappling light under a tree blesses his eyes. Then a man pours outward, a torrent of him, and yet he is not diminished…"
 I started September fresh from the Swiss Air, and a feeling of calm was in my core.  I don't know how else to describe it but I began my third semester of nursing school a week behind every one else, and maybe it was all that Swiss chocolate I ate, or the fifteen pounds I loss in the process, but I didn't have stress.  I began stressing out due to my lack of stress.  School was amazing.  I got to see my first birth September 9, 2009 in the hospital and I got to meet someone I dreamed about in Switzerland in person September 26, 2009.  I started a relationship in September with this cute fella and feel so blessed by his presence in my life. 

Oh, October, I love you so.  Not only are you my birth month, but you mark the coming of fall in this amazing place I live.  October was great.  School was busy and fun.  I experienced my first home birth thanks to an amazing woman, Sarah, allowing me to be apart of her son Cade's entry to this world.   I turned 30 the last day of October, 2009.  November brought lots of school and still little stress, thank you, God!, and more wonder with this new relationship.  Thanksgiving was a super treat--I love being with my family and recovery has truly allowed me to strengthen the relationship I have with my mom.  And now, December.  I'm done with you, which is good.  That sweet relationship I spoke of ended on the 12th, and I'm just okay with that, now.  I'm done being sad over it, though there are still moments where I shake my fist at God and wonder WHY??!?!?!?.  I know, though, that I am taken care of so completely by my Higher Power, and I'm not in charge of the outcome of my life.  I'm just in charge of showing up to the best of my ability today and I have faith I can give God the big picture of my life, by so doing I'm able to trust God and practice my faith.

Gosh.  It's been a super duper year.  I am so blessed.

I have so much hope for the year ahead, too.  I'm hopeful for my education.  I'm hopeful for my relationships.  I'm hopeful to expand further in my conscious contact with my Higher Power.  I sit here, sleepy and with an ear to what could be little girl's needing my attention tonight, grateful.  I am just so blessed, and glad I have hope.

Come on, Twenty Ten! Let's do this thing!

2 comments:

Beth P said...

Happy New Year, my friend!

Layla G said...

thanks, Bethie!!!
xox
YAY FOR 2010!!