Friday, December 18, 2009

wallow and marinate

some things i know in my brain:
gratitude and prayer combat self-pity.

some things i do not yet feel in my body:
gratitude and prayer combat self-pity.

i will have more time to write about the past 12 days events but for now, i will just say i want to curl up in a ball and say a big giant F! to the world.  will i do that? nah. i have a massage in 40 minutes. and then a meeting, and then a few hours play time with some Love girls.  and then, some baking to do.  and really? i'm not THAT tired. and Sex and the City is sorta lame now that i have some recovery under my belt.  was Carrie really that annoying this whole time???

basically, i feeeeeeeel all this stuff. totally sad. rejected. not good enough. and when i type all that, i know those things aren't true.  i know i can allow myself to be happy today.  i know i can respect cute new (now, not any more) fella's choice and know it's not about me; i'm totally not rejectable.  and i am good. i am good, period.  it's not about 'enough.' it's just about now, and being good, period. which i am.

i am a walking contraction.
i feel shortened in the middle.

i take comfort in knowing 'feelings aren't facts' but am feeling just the same and pray for the grace to walk through these friggin feelings with god by my side. 

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