Wednesday, December 02, 2009

inspired.

my friends blog. and their blogs are so great....i'm inspired! i get soo lovingly inspired when i read my friend's words, joys, day-to-day.....

i want to be a more frequent blogger. so i'll start now. right now. this moment.

isn't life all a bunch of moments anyway??

on that note, i've come across a mighty little breakthrough with regard to moments and outcomes.  i've realized i'm very attached to the outcome...of any situation.  with school, i'm attached to getting a's.  with exercise, i'm attached to being perfect, fitting into a size six and weighing 138.  with my relationship, i'm attached to knowing what will happen in the end...having a guarantee of sorts with this darling new man in my life.  this struggle has brought me to this great awesome realization.....

there are no guarantees.
it is a huge aspect of the human condition to want a guarantee in life.
and what keeps me aware is my relationship with god.
god is in charge of the outcome by allowing me to live in the moment to moment.
and...
i get to have relationships with all these commitments...a relationship with  my education, to study and learn and do my best, regardless of the letter grade i'm assigned.  a relationship with the YMCA and working out, where i allow my body to be invigorated and strengthed with exercise, no matter what the outcome is, no matter what my weight, no matter what size i wear, no matter how imperfectly i show up.  and i lovingly get to be in a relationship with the commitment i have with my cute fella.  he is darling amazing dreamworthy. i dreamed of him and he showed up my life! so a true blessing to honor god in this relationship by honoring the commitment i have with this fabulous him and letting go of what the eventual outcome is....

if i were in charge of the outcomes of my life, i'd probably want them to change, anyway.  it is helpful to remember that.....

2 comments:

Mike & Hilary said...

Wonderfully said, my dear! I love your writings!

Layla Gigax said...

thanks, hilary!!!! life is gooooood!