So, as most of you know, I've been struggling. HUGELY.
With this paper.
This last assignment of nursing school.
Like, it was this huge burden of awfulness I couldn't get to the bottom of, attempt, finish. It was really this HUGE DEAL.
I had set all these goals of getting it done by the time I left for San Diego (nope), by April 30 (nope), by May 7 (nope). I knew the last possible day I could turn it in was May 10.
And, in true procrastination fashion, all 24 pages of my Nursing 234 Psychiatric Care Plan Paper are finished, in their folder, ready to be turned in tomorrow, May 10.
I feel now ready to accept accolades for accomplishing nursing school. I feel ready now to hang up my cap and gown and let the wrinkles fall out of it. I feel ready now, to truly celebrate.
It was God's great power that got me through this past month of struggle. I put off and put off and put off...
My sweet friend Becky helped me see on Friday what was going on for me at the core of this huge procrastination---If I got my paper done, and turned in, then I would be finishing school. I would be done. And being done means having to decide what my next step should be. It means I've completed something huge, and the monstrosity of completion and success is so scary!
Becky reminded me that I'm not in charge. My Higher Power's in charge. My Higher Power has it all figured out, and if I show up and do the foot work, I will be provided for. Finishing this paper was the foot work. The miracle is in the completion, in the effort, in the trying.
I kept trying and I didn't give up.
No matter how fearful I am of what life will be like after graduation, what choices I'll have to make. My fear is great. What is greater, though, is my faith in my Higher Power. My belief my life is in God's hands, and I will be taken care of whether I succeed or fail. And, really, it's not in God's plan that I fail. At least not in this moment.
I am so stinking thrilled!!
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