Thursday, June 10, 2010

impatiently intolerant.

I canceled a much anticipated hang out sesh with a dear friend last night because I was overcome with an angry, awful, horrible, no-good, very bad mood.  I hung up the phone initially horribly guilty to have canceled with  my sweet friend, and then, I realized, I'm totally taking care of myself....It's hard to admit my vulnerability.  So hard to admit....

Last night, instead of hanging out with Beth, I came home, took off my bra, got into comfy's and watched a disc of Mad Men while drinking glass after glass of ice cold water.  I turned OFF my phone.  I didn't contact with anyone except my sweet Sonja girl, whom I am convinced KNOWS I'm leaving for two months and she's soaking up all my sweet pets to her as much as possible.  I feel horribly guilty for leaving my cat.  (I believe that will be another post entirely.)

So, Today's Daily Reflections says about all I could ever say.  I am so grateful for the daily readers and how well they pinpoint EXACTLY what I'm going through.

We reacted more strongly to frustrations than normal people. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 111
Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that’s what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God’s point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me–bug eyed and red of face–who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God’s angle of vision can be very relaxing.

Now, I'm off to say my prayers, make some coffee, have a shower, and then off to hang out with some sweet little girls ready to have fun in the Summer sun.  
I really am blessed, even if my mood doesn't cooperate.  


Beth P said...

just hi - checkin' in. glad you had a good night on wednesday.

Charlsie said...

Layla! Girl... it is TOUGH to try and see things from God's perspective, but we are encouraged to do that... have a heart and eyes like him... I have been working on that too, because I have very much the same problem. I get very frustrated by "little" things. Last night I couldn't find a connection on our new store-bought wi-fi that I was trying to set up... I carried my laptop to the top of a hill outside and was practically standing on one foot, finger in air. PISSED that I might not be connected to the world via WWW. I began to "talk" to God about it... Then the neighbor-friendly dogs came for a visit and all I could do was scream at them. Next thing I know... 3 bars of connectivity... then I laughed at myself and said, "Lord... I am SO sorry I get such a crappy attitude! I will try to work on this more! Help me to see things from your perspective!" So girl... haha. I know all too well. And as you said, I must look and sound absolutely ridiculous to our heavenly Outsider during those moments of fleeting craze. Glad to know someone else out there can completely relate. haha... XO!

Charlsie said...

Like you, I don't know why I get so heated up so fast! I try to rely on God for all things, but when it comes to crap like that... it's a real struggle! The fuming just happens and before I realize it, I wanna kick the dog.