Monday, June 21, 2010

Fear & Faith.

Hello from Houston!

I've begun my adventure yesterday with a (very, very) early alarm wake-up, last minute detail packing, a heartfelt, sweet goodbye to Noriko, a smooch to my darling Sonja, and a drive to Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport.  Nate was in town for a few days to help see me off and he drove me down to the airport on his way home to San Diego.  I'm so grateful for his last minute help---I learned a few years ago that with anxiety it helped a great deal to have someone put his hands on my back.  Just calmly place his hands on my back.  I've never told Nate this, and in the middle of packing, he came up to me, and placed his left hand over my heart and his right hand over my back and just stood there, holding me.  The anxiety I was feeling immediately calmed, and I finished my packing and was in bed by the time I hoped.  I'm grateful for his presence in my life.

My flight to Houston was quick!  I even got some NCLEX studying in!!  (I'm super proud of myself for this, as I haven't cracked a study text for six weeks. YIKES!)  I landed at 1130a Texas time and was picked up by JJ & Sidney.  I immediately felt the thick, humid Houston air. (I come from a dry heat, y'all.)

Houston is a neat city!  JJ's from West University City, not far from Montrose (where we had sushi tonight).  We drove by the Rothko Chapel and I look forward to coming back and seeing the inside of this awesome place--we missed the hours by twenty minutes!  I've noticed that the sky isn't as big as my Prescott sky.  I feel scrunched and smooshed without the hills and views.  The trees limit what I can see and it's a weird feeling.  I feel quite small in this Houston city.

Today's Summer Solstice.  The longest day of the year!!  I love this day.  I love what it symbolizes--we've made it half way through winter, the cold and the dark nights.  Now, we're on the down swing and days will get shorter, but it's officially Summer now.  It's hot.  And, oh this Arizona girl loves the hot!  Even the thick humidity of the Houston heat isn't so bad. (I mean, it's awfully hot, but it's Summer!  It's suppose to be!)  I'm excited for the longer nights of Switzerland.  Troy reminded me it doesn't get dark until 2200!! WOW!

We leave tomorrow at 1620.  We leave from George Bush Intercontinental Airport and head to Heathrow in London--we'll land at 0730 on Wednesday June 23, just in time for some delicious coffee. Oh, coffee, how I love you so.  From London, we fly to Zurich and will land in Switzerland at 1230p Wednesday.  From Zurich, we rent a VAN. (Three adults and two kids plus luggage for the Summer requires a VAN. :)  The Van will take us to Stechelberg, where we'll survey how everyone's doing and either head up to the village, Murren, and get our Summer digs ready, or we'll stay at the Alpenhof for the night.  We have a busy day of travel ahead, and truth be told, I'm tired.

I'm glad we're flying at night.  The kiddos will be ready for sleep and so will I--I hope sleep will be comfortable.  The flight itself will be a long one--a little over nine hours.  Ha.  I can do that in my sleep! (Let's hope.)

I started this awesome new book  Sought Through Prayer and Meditation.  It's a Hazelden book with a weekly focus on the Eleventh Step (We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.)  The book is a weekly focus with stories and information, followed by a prayer and a meditation.

So far, it's awesome!  I wanted to share the prayer and meditation with you for this week.
Dear God, as I begin this journey each day to seek a closer conscious contact with you, my Higher Power, let me not rely on any changes that have already taken place in me, any reconstruction that you have done in my life until now. For by choosing my will over yours, all of that can be gone in a single breath. Therefore, please give me the grace to rely only on you, your will for me, your love and caring. May I continue seeking knowledge of your will and the power to carry that out, one day at a time.
The power of God grows within me as I continue to seek God’s will.
I love having a spiritual focus while I'm away.  Last year, my spiritual life in Switzerland grew immensely.  I came home focused and at peace.  I also knew with a lot of certainty and assurance what I was coming home to.  This year, it's entirely different.  A lot of my fear is due to what life will be like in August when I get home.  I have no idea!!  The idea of having an assignment to improve my conscious contact with my Higher Power and to truly seek my Higher Power's will for my life is exciting.  It helps alleviate the fear I'm having and helps me be in the moment.

There is one thing certain about this adventure ahead:  I will only be of service, of utmost and beneficial service, when I'm present and in the moment.  It's in the moment that my life is meant to be lived.  I have fear about what the future holds but really?? I'M NOT IN THE FUTURE.  I'm here.  Now.  In this moment.

Today's Daily Reflections summed up my feelings so well.
The achievement of freedom from fear is a lifetime undertaking, one that can never be wholly completed. When under heavy attack, acute illness, or in other condition of insecurity, we shall all react to this emotion – well or badly, as the case may be. Only the self-deceived will claim perfect freedom from fear. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 263
Fear has caused suffering when I could have had more faith. There are times when fear suddenly tears me apart, just when I’m experiencing feelings of joy, happiness and a lightness of heart. Faith–and a feeling of self-worth toward a Higher Power -helps me endure tragedy and ecstasy. When I choose to give all of my fears over to my Higher Power, I will be free.
I love what this reading reminds me about having Faith.  Faith is defined as "a feeling of self-worth toward a Higher Power."  Merriam-Webster defines Faith as "complete trust."  I love the idea that Faith in my Higher Power is feeling WORTH and COMPLETE TRUST in my Higher Power.  In my humanity, all I can do is try to completely trust my Higher Power.  I believe it's possible--to the best of my ability.

And as Feist reminds me in Mushaboom:
 And we'll collect the moments one by one/ 
I guess that's how the future's done 
I'm headed to bed now on this warm Summer Solstice night.  Happy Summer, everyone.  When I write next I'll be in the Alpine air of Switzerland with yet another strengthened, and hopefully fresh, perspective.


1 comment:

Beth P said...

Safe travels and fun times for you, Layla!! Have a WONDERFUL summer! See you in August!