birds.

The alarm went off at 615 this morning. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww.....I didn't fall to sleep til near 1215 and man....how much I didn't want to get up this morning! So Tired! I lied (layed? laid? lay? oh English, you lovely trickster!) there for a while, listening to Liane Hansen on Weekend Edition.  I thought, gosh. Why am I up so earlllllyyyyy?!?!?! The plan was to head to a meetin' at 7a for some early goodness this Sunday. And I had a study sesh scheduled for 9 anyway, so I thought, well, I'll just freakin' get up for this meeting, I'll put my game face on, I'll put my butt in a chair.  FINE.

I washed my face and started waking up a bit...Then Will Shortz did the puzzle this morning and I got most of them right! (YAY GOD!) And, I piled on my layers--it's a cold one this day in Prescott, Arizona!--and met the fella for a meeting.

And how great is God, you ask? OH SO GREAT. The meeting was on staying in Prescott. And how much I've been struggling with the future lately...With the choice I'm making tomorrow about where to serve my preceptorship for my last semester of school; man, does it feel like a loaded choice!  It feels like this is THE choice to dictate how I feel about nursing and where I want to spend my first year (or more) nursing.  It feels WEIGHTED.  At the same time, my gut is calm, and I don't feel stressed internally about this choice.  I feel oddly serene and certain that my choice is to stay here.  That God will provide for me so powerfully as God always and continually has.

So to sit a room with people in recovery talking about the power that is this town, the blessing of a recovery community feels so GodGodGod. Exactly what I needed to hear.....

From Daily Reflections, December 6 : 

When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn’t very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116 

It has been my experience that, when all human resources appear to have failed, there is always One who will never desert me. Moreover, He is always there to share my joy, to steer me down the right path, and to confide in when no one else will do. While my well-being and happiness can be added to, or diminished, by human efforts, only God can provide the loving nourishment upon which I depend for my daily spiritual health.

How amazing is God? It blows my mind with gratitude the lessons I learn daily.  The joy I feel to hear things, to be reminded how well I am taken care of, how much I am reminded I am soooo never ever alone, despite the trickster mind games I have teasing me that 'aloneness' is my punishment.  

With regard to my staying in Prescott, Hope For Today for December 6 offered quite a lot, too: 

I try to remember that as long as I make decisions in the context of seeking my Higher Power's will, whatever I do will be the right thing.  "Do" is the operative word here.  I once heard, "Without God, man cannot; without man, God will not."  If I don't take some sort of action, my Higher Power doesn't have anything to work with.  Because decision-making is a self-correcting process, I can use any mistakes I make along the way to eventually guide me in the right direction.  Even if I "decide" myself into a corner, I'm not alone.  My Higher Power is with me everywhere I go.  

I am so blessed.  It makes me shake my head and put my hand on my chest and sing praise! As long as I'm praying for God's will in the choices I have before me, being of service, being of use to my Higher Power, my choice is exactly RIGHT. There are no mistakes!  

I'm grateful I decided to wake up this morning and work on my spiritual fitness. I'm grateful to be apart of a community focused on a spiritual solution.  I'm grateful my Higher Power provided this avenue for my life.  I don't know where I'd be without it, and to think eh...I just won't go there.  Where I will go is intense gratitude my God knows the Steps, the meetings, the solution the program offers me is soooooo a good fit for me.  And it's so wonderful.